


Broken

by Den007



Series: Divorce Series [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kalex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2020-06-24 08:03:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19719553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Den007/pseuds/Den007
Summary: This is a direct sequel to Divorce. It takes place within a few of weeks of that story's ending.Kara is still recovering from her near-death experience. She hasn't been seen in public for several weeks, and hasn't been to work or with friends.Alex is trying to help her get back on her feet. But she also has her own fallout from the incident.





	1. Restless

The Civic Center quad looked pale and eerily desolate as Alex stared out across it. She looked to her left and watched as only a few scattered individuals moved slowly by; almost as if gliding across the surface. She noticed they didn’t seem to project any outward emotions or expressions at all. One passed just by her, but he didn’t seem to notice her at all, and gave no indication he had almost brushed right against her. She watched as he walked passed her and continued on fading into the distance as if he dissipated just passed her field of view. She looked up to the sky. It was grey. At first she thought it strange that there were no clouds at all, but then she realized the sky was entirely cloud covered. Overcast.

_That must be it,_ she thought. _That’s why I can’t see her. She must be somewhere above it all._

Alex looked across the quad to the steps of the center, which were devoid of anyone. Except there _was_ someone there. Alex squinted, focusing her eyes; trying to make it out. But it was so far away. There was a lone figure standing just at the top of the stairs, still and unmoving.

Alex began to walk downward into the quad, but it was still so very far away. Her feet were heavy. Each step seemed to be more deliberate as she forced her legs forward, trying to maintain her gait.

She kept her attention on the figure standing at the top of the stairs. It started to come into focus as she moved closer, but it was almost like trying to see through a fog. She could almost make out something flapping slightly behind it. A flag or a banner or something.

Alex tried to quicken her pace but the effort only produced more resistance to her legs. It was becoming harder to walk forward with each passing step.

Alex was careful not to lose sight of her destination. The lone figure was starting to take shape. She could just make out long hair waving slightly from the breeze. And the face. The smile and the eyes looking her direction and welcoming her.

_There she is,_ Alex thought to herself. 

She felt relief at the knowing. She could see her standing there waiting for her.

Alex redoubled her effort to get to the stairs, but as she tried harder the resistance only intensified. She leaned forward and pushed, willing her legs to move forward, but the resistance was pulling at her, slowing her even more. 

Kara stood at the top of the stairs smiling down at her. But something was off or wrong somehow. The colors were different. What was red was blue. The contrast was strange, but it must be a trick of the light she thought to herself.

Kara stretched out her hand, beckoning Alex to take it.

Alex reached forward trying, she felt like she could almost touch her, but she was just out of reach.

“ _Move closer_ ”, Alex pleaded. She was trying so very hard to push forward but it was almost impossible now. Something much more powerful was preventing her from making progress. She grunted trying with all her strength to move forward. To reach her.

Alex pushed as hard as she could and felt herself stumble, falling forward.

But suddenly Kara was there right in front of her. She caught Alex and held her arms, preventing her from falling to the ground.

Alex’s hands were grasping at Kara’s suit, holding firm to her shoulder and waist. Kara smiled standing still, pleased that Alex had made it to her.

Alex was relieved. She had made it and the resistance was gone. But something didn’t feel right. Her hands felt wet against the bright red fabric of Kara’s suit. She looked down from Kara’s face and turned her hands, her palms wet and dripping red from the front of Kara’s suit.

Alex cautiously reached forward gently brushing her fingers along the red suit, smearing the dark red where blue was supposed to be, the red wetness soaking through and seeping onto her fingers.

But not seeping. Bleeding.

Alex raised her hands up inspecting them, the blood unmistakably coating them entirely.

She looked up now panicked. Kara’s smile gone, replaced with sadness.

She felt her heart quicken and a tingling sensation overtaking her. She reached forward trying to grab hold of Kara but she was fading from view. Everything was fading and dissipating.

* * *

Alex opened her eyes and kept still as she tried to let the ceiling of her bedroom come into focus lying on her back.

She turned her head slowly to the right of her, where Kara was laying with her back turned to her. Kara was restless, breathing erratically. Small whimpers were escaping with each exhale.

Alex turned as quietly as she could manage and reached up stroking blond hair.

The breathing relaxed and turned deep and even.

She wasn’t sure when; but at some point Kara had arrived in the middle of the night again and slipped in. It was perfectly fine. Alex just wished they had gone to bed together, instead of waking to Kara sneaking into bed in the middle of the night. It was almost like college all over again, with Kara just showing up, sometime in the middle of the night. Only most of the time back then, she’d be gone again before Alex woke up, leaving her wondering if she had really ever been there at all.

Alex looked to the alarm clock output and realized she only had another 10 minutes before it was to go off anyway. Today was an early gym day at the office. But Kara probably had lost track of that. Alex reached over shutting off the switch so the alarm wouldn’t trigger. She turned on her side and stroked Kara’s hair, just gently enough to calm her, but trying hard not to wake her.

She leaned forward placing a light kiss to the back of Kara’s head, hoping that subconsciously Kara could feel it.

She slipped out and made her way to the kitchen to get the coffee started.

Alex sipped at her mug, skimming the morning reports on her pad when she heard the rustling sounds emanating from the bathroom. She looked to the hallway expecting to see Kara emerge, but several minutes passed without further sound.

Alex put down her pad and pulled a fresh cup from the pantry, pouring it halfway full. She carried it into the bedroom and moved to Kara’s side of the bed placing the cup on the bedside table and sat down next to her.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Alex teased. “People are going to talk.”

Kara kept her eyes closed, refusing to give up whether she might be awake at all. Alex smirked and brushed the hair out of her face. The touch betrayed her as Kara reached to grab one of Alex’s pillows and pulled it over her face to block out the light.

Alex smiled at the defiant display. “This really isn’t like you Kara. You’re the one that greets the sun every morning like it’s your best friend remember?”

Kara mumbled something incomprehensible into the pillow that Alex could barely make out.

“Well even so” Alex continued, as if she understood what Kara had said anyway. “You really need to get into some clothes today and come to the DEO for a checkup. You haven’t been in since your surgery and we need to see how you are recovering.”

Kara pushed the pillow off her face glaring outward. “I don’t want to go anywhere. Can’t we just stay in and watch a marathon of something?”

“No...” Alex answered patiently. I have to go to work. J’onn wants me to--”

“You’re leaving??” Kara asked with some alarm. Alex looked back quizzically.

“Yes Kara, I have to go into the DEO. And like I said, you need to as well. I’ve let you lie around for three weeks now. But you need to go in so we can make sure you have fully recovered.”

Kara leaned up as Alex rose and started to walk out of the room.

“I’m fine Alex. I don’t need the DEO doctors or Rao help me, Eliza poking me with anything. Can’t you just sign-off some forms or something?”

“No….” Alex answered patiently again. “You know perfectly well I have no authority concerning your medical care right now. Our mother saw to that quite thoroughly.”

Alex turned and looked to Kara sternly. 

“It’s time Kara. You can’t avoid the outside forever. Everyone misses you. The entire city is worried about you. And James cannot keep covering for you at your work.”

Alex leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, with Kara glaring indignantly toward her. She dropped her arms and walked forward sitting back down on the bedside. Kara looked into her eyes. Alex brushed her hair from her face. “I’m not going to drag you out of bed Kara. You aren’t twelve. But you need to pick yourself up and go face the world again.”

Kara only returned her look but couldn’t find the words to respond. Alex leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead. She stood up and turned deliberately to the door.

“How about you try with the coffee first, and then see where that takes you,” she said walking out the door.

Kara listened to the jingling sounds of Alex’s keys as she was gathering her things and preparing to leave the apartment. The collective air pressure of the apartment shifted slightly as the front door opened and then just as suddenly closed again.

Kara looked to the night stand where the coffee was still hot, and for a moment, she thought that maybe it might actually work as a first step.

* * *

Kara splashed water onto her face and looked into the mirror. The bags under her eyes weren’t as prominent this particular morning, but they were still there. Her reflection stared back at her as she made an attempt at a smile and only succeeded in displaying some kind of fake howdy doody like grin, which looked more creepy than any kind of together.

Alex was right. She needed to get dressed. Get out of the house. See some people. She took a deep breath trying to pull some positive energy into her core, but stopped, feeling a sharp pain within her chest. She raised her hand and rubbed the spot while grimacing. The pain was gone, but it was there a second ago.

She picked up her phone and hesitated only a second before dialing, holding it to her ear. It barely rang once before being picked up.

“So you _are_ alive,” Alex answered with some snark.

Kara allowed an exhaled chuckle to escape. “I’m only _slightly_ alive,” she quipped, hoping the _princess bride_ reference might spare her more admonishment.

“I wanted you to know, I heard you this morning. I’ll go to my place today and get some clothes and try to make it over to the DEO this afternoon.”

“That’s great,” Alex said.”Don’t bother going to your place though. I’m at your place now and I’ll bring you some things.” 

Kara’s eyes widened in panic. She turned away from the bathroom mirror projecting into her phone. “You’re there now? Inside?” Kara’s heart was racing. Maybe she could beat her there. Head her off somehow.

“Alex…?” 

Kara waited nervously as the brief pause seemed intentional.

“Yeah I just got inside,” Alex returned almost immediately. “Why don’t you just meet me at the D….”

“Alex wait. Stop, I’ll be right.. Alex?”

Kara looked to the surface of her phone, the connection still active with Alex still prominently displayed across the screen. Then she dashed out the window with a blur.

Mere seconds later Kara was at the doorway of her bedroom looking in. Her heart was racing as she looked to Alex’s back, who stood rigid inside the room, surveying the wreckage within.

Shreds of bed sheeting and pillow stuffing were spread throughout the room. The four poster bed listing on one corner where the legs were no longer in place. But the missing leg wouldn’t have mattered as the beds spine was broken near the middle, the mattress pointed awkwardly upward. White clouds of stuffing protruded from hand sized holes on each side of the mattress. Sticking out of the wall was one of the bed posts. Alex moved slowly and walked up running her hand along the posts smooth varnished surface. It was lodged solidly in place, at least 2 feet imbedded onto the wall. Kara wrapped her arms around herself as she watched Alex shift her attention to the ceiling. Pairs of dark black scorch marks ran like tire treads from one end to the other. She followed one track downward to the remnants of a dresser, splintered and shattered, the contents within also burnt beyond recognition.

Kara could feel her shame overpowering her. 

Alex turned and faced her.

Kara’s breathing was erratic and rapid as she fought to maintain her composure and resist breaking down so she could attempt to begin an explanation. 

But Alex wasn’t angry. Her expression was pure empathy. She patiently kept her attention directed at Kara, eyes locked together.

_“I… haven’t been sleeping very well”_ , Kara made out, barely above a whisper. She choked slightly on the words trying to hold herself together.

Alex walked cautiously up to her and reached for the sides of Kara’s face. Kara closed her eyes and leaned in as Alex pulled her close and kissed her forehead, wrapping her arms around her. Kara squeezed her eyelids shut, all the while fighting the rising fire threatening to burst through her eyes.

“Ssshhh..” Alex consoled, reaching up and stroking the blonde hair buried into her shoulder. Alex grabbed hold of Kara’s face with both hands and leaned back slightly looking into her face. Kara met her, ready to accept whatever Alex was about to deliver.

Alex kissed her forehead and pulled Kara close holding her tightly. Alex looked out again giving another survey of the room, and wrapping her strong right arm around Kara, led her out of the room and out the door.


	2. Checkup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally gets Kara out of the apartment and into the DEO for a checkup. But Alex also has some tests to perform...

The guard at the DEO check point stepped out as Alex pulled up with her SUV. He leaned inward taking Alex’s badge for registration.

“Hello Agent Danvers, I see you have a visitor with you..”

Alex leaned back slightly allowing the guard a better look to her passenger.

Kara smiled warmly at the guard. Although she was dressed as a civilian, she was careful to do up her hair and makeup as her alter ego. The better to be recognized within the facility.

“Oh I’m sorry ma'am,” the guard stated surprisingly. “I didn’t recognize you in.. well regular clothes.”

The guard looked awkwardly to Alex trying to figure out how to react to this new situation. He couldn’t recall if Supergirl had ever entered through the main gate before.

Alex sighed. “Kara, stop making the guard nervous and give him your ID card,” Alex chastised.

Kara was already fumbling through her purse trying to find it. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t even think about it.”

She finally found it buried toward the bottom scratched and covered with splotches of various products that had leaked or spilled within.

Kara handed it over with an apologetic look.

The guard chuckled a little as he accepted it and tried running it through the system. Alex could see him brushing it against his trousers trying to clear the smudges from its surface.

“I’m sorry,” Kara mouthed to the annoyed look on Alex’s face. The guard returned the card to Alex, brushing his hands against his legs before he triggered the gate to open.

Alex just shook her head as she pulled forward. Kara waved back at the guard, hoping he would forget the whole thing.

* * *

Alex looked on, into the glass walled medical room standing outside of it. She could see Kara taking off her jacket and conversing with the DEO physician. She watched as the doctor smiled and gestured explaining to Kara what she was about to do and trying her best to put her at ease. It was hard to stand outside like this. Kara nodded and sat down on the examination table while the doctor moved to a control panel on the wall. Kara caught Alex’s watchful gaze and raised her hand in a small wave just before the glass turned opaque hiding her from view.

Alex turned and walked down the corridor leading to the weapons range. Her next appointment was an important one.

* * *

Alex badged into the weapons testing range with her ID and biometric scan. There was no telling what kind of weapon might be inside and being tested at any given time, and only Agents of supervisory rank or higher were granted access. There was however, one exception.

Alex entered the room and found Winn already within, setting up at the workbench behind the firing line.

He looked up meeting Alex’s face and smiled in greeting.

“I heard you finally got her in here today,” Winn stated. He lifted a mid-size locked black case onto the bench and pressed his thumb against a biometric lock releasing the latches.

Alex put her attention down the range to the target Winn had just finished setting up.

“She’s still recovering Winn. She’s having some trouble sleeping.”

Winn nodded unsnapping the latches. “She’s only returned a few of my texts so far. But she won’t answer her phone,” Winn said.

Alex was sympathetic. “She’s just not herself yet,” Alex offered. “I think she has this impression that if anyone sees her right now they won’t like what they see.”

“You know that’s crap right?” Winn stated. 

Alex pressed her lips flattening them while acknowledging Winn’s remark. “Of course it is. She just needs a little time.”

He lifted the lid of the container exposing the contents inside.

Fitted tightly into the foam casing was a matching set of pistol magazines. The siding of both were transparent. They were both loaded with what looked to be 45cal rounds. The bullets glowed a bright green from the kryptonite materials loaded inside of them.

Alex looked up after staring for several moments.

“There are two sets of ammunition,” Winn explained. “One mag is filled with solid Kryptonite bullets. The other are lead encapsulated.”

Alex nodded in understanding. She drew her own 45 sidearm and pointed it downrange, dropping the magazine from the hilt and clearing the chambered round, locking the slide into place so it was ready to receive a freshly loaded magazine.

She held it down at her side turning back to Winn.

“The first test is to qualify the new kevlar-infused suit material with the solid kryptonite rounds,” he said. “After that we’ll move to the encapsulated rounds.”

Alex nodded.

Winn removed one of the glowing magazines and handed it to Alex. She received it cautiously, feeling the warmth emanating from the radiation. She turned and stepped up to the firing line. Winn stood behind her and placed a set of earmuffs on his head.

Alex raised her sidearm to mid level staring downrange, the target becoming etched into her view. Without shifting her attention, she slid the magazine into the handle of her weapon and released the slide with her thumb. The action snapped into place chambering the top round from the newly loaded magazine.

Alex holstered the weapon and pulled her earplugs from her pocket stuffing them into place. With all of the ambient sound deadened, she could hear her own heartbeat strumming in a slow rhythmic progression. Alex took a deep breath focusing her attention on the target downrange. 

She unholstered her weapon and brought it to bear, closing her left eye, zeroing in.

With her right arm held rigid and firm and the butt of the handle supported by her left hand, Alex settled the weapons sights to the center of the target.

The target torso was only the center mass of a woman's form, but it was clothed in the new bright blue material Winn had constructed to protect Kara from this threat.

The sights of the weapon were locked directly to its center, to the crimson red symbol of Kara’s family crest.

Alex’s memory flashed in front of her, the vision of the diamond shaped-S exploding in front of her eyes.

Alex squinted at the intrusion into her line of sight, shaking her head slightly to clear the distraction. She took another breath and re-leveled the sight to the target, the symbol of the house of EL coming back into focus.

Another flash. And this time she could see Kara falling backwards in slow motion with blood protruding from her chest.

Sweat began to form on her forehead and started to pool above her brow. Alex gasped trying to draw in enough breath to calm herself and prepare for the shot.

Winn stood behind her and realized Alex was taking an unusual amount of time to take the first shot. The camera’s were all in place and running so the test firings could be analyzed from every angle. He watched as Alex lowered the weapon with her right arm and wiped her forehead with the forearm of her left.

Winn watched from behind as Alex rolled her shoulders and shook her head. She raised the weapon up again holding it rigidly still.

The bright red S of Kara’s chest was clear and focused in front of her.

The weapon’s sight began to vibrate as her hand started to shake. She shifted her left hand from under the handle and sandwiched her grip trying to provide more stability. She took another breath; the diamond enclosed S projecting back at her. It seemed to grow larger with each passing second.

She shifted her index finger from the outside the guard resting it to the trigger. She started trying to squeeze but the effort allowed the weapon to begin shaking again, dropping the sight from the target.

Alex felt Winn’s hand touch the back of her shoulder.

“Alex, how about I….”

Alex dropped her arm holstering the weapon and strode forward into the range approaching the target.

She stepped up and poked a finger into the torso probing at it. Winn looked on quizzically trying to understand what she was doing.

Before he could speak, Alex pulled upward on the material exposing the plastic form underneath.

She turned addressing him, with a stern expression of scrutiny.

“You’re using a hard plastic dummy for this test?” Alex stated accusingly.

Winn cocked his head unsure of where this was going.

“This isn’t any good at all”, Alex stated marching back to the firing line. Winn watched silently as Alex passed him and walked straight to the bench pulling the weapon and unloading the magazine and chambered round. She glared at Winn as she reloaded it with her service magazine.

But Winn was still confused waiting for whatever she was about to spring on him.

“It needs to be a proper test with a ballistic flesh target,” Alex exclaimed as she holstered her sidearm and snapped the safety strap in place.

“We have to be sure Winn, do you understand?!  **_I have to be sure!_ ** ”

Winn nodded silently, allowing Alex to project whatever she was feeling into his face.

For a moment he could see some sense of restraint come back into her eyes. Almost surprise at her own outburst.

She looked down and then back down range to the target.

Then she turned and marched from the room without another word.

* * *

Kara emerged from the examination room smiling as warmly as she could. Several DEO agents came over and gave her welcoming hugs. She returned each of them in turn and thanked everyone individually. J’onn Jones was observing from the inner operations area.

Winn was also standing there watching from afar, clearly wondering if he should approach. J’onn could see he was about to stride forward and decided to spare him the awkward reunion for now.

“Winn, could you check with reconnaissance and see if we have anything new on the quad intel?”

Winn nodded in compliance turning to go back to his seat.

J’onn hesitated briefly before proceeding slowly toward his girls.

Kara could see him approaching out of the side of her view. She turned to Alex to try and hurry this along as quickly as possible.

“Could we get going now?” she asked Alex estimating that J’onn was going to be upon them in the next 10 seconds or so.”

Alex cocked her head, but nodded. Kara flattened her lips thanking her without saying a word. But before she could turn to go J’onn was upon them both.

“It’s nice to see you Kara, you look very well,” J’onn said.

“Hey,” Kara returned warmly. J’onn gave her a warm hug which she returned. “Thank you really,” Kara said. “I’m really sorry I’ve been MIA lately, but hey, the doctor just gave me a clean bill of health. So maybe I can get back to work soon right?”

J’onn smiled, “we would all like that very much Kara, but only as soon as you are ready. There really isn’t any rush.”

“Psshhh,” Kara waved her arm in dramatic fashion. “Alex just needs to get me into the gym for an afternoon and I’ll be ready to go right Alex?”

Alex smiled encouragingly. “Of course. I just need to check with the physician and we’ll get you going right away.”

“Right”, Kara returned. “Well, I think we need to get going right Alex? I’ll see you later J’onn.”

Kara turned and started her exit as if Alex would fall right in behind her.

J’onn leaned into Alex and spoke low into her ear.

“Get her up flying. Soon.”

Alex nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some might question the way Kara is acting on her return to the DEO. I imagine that it is easier for a victim of trauma to put on a false front to people who don't know them as well. You might want to avoid the people that can see through you, particularly if you are embarrassed or afraid of how you they might perceive you. It's irrational. But I think it happens.


	3. Catco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Olsen contemplates his own role during the shooting

James Olsen stood at the picture layout bench centered in his old office. Various shots of the civic center plaza were arranged in front of him from the shooting a few weeks earlier.

He was glad he had retained the room for his photography work instead of re-assigning it after his promotion. He really had no idea what the company was going to be like after Cat stepped down and left to pursue other interests. But he had a feeling she would pop in from time to time, and if so plant her flag in her former executive office.

He was right of course. That was exactly what she would do with her fairly infrequent visits. Except this time was different. Since the shooting and Supergirl’s exit from the public stage, Cat hadn’t left the building. She did eventually go home, most often very late into the night. But she’d been returning each morning. 

She was also different now. She didn’t announce her presence to the room, chastise the junior employees, or run the office in any way. No meetings were conducted from the executive office. She simply strode in, sat at the large desk at the end of the office and worked at her laptop in seclusion.

James would check in from time to time, looking across the room into the glass office. If Cat wasn’t head-down at her computer, she was focused on the television screens above, studying the reports from the various networks.

It didn’t particularly matter which one at any given time. All of them were focused on one thing. Supergirl had been gravely injured and hadn’t been seen since. Was she going to return? Was she alive? Where was she and who had her?

Had she died?….

James caught himself gazing through the glass wall as he contemplated these thoughts. He looked down at the photograph in his hand. 

Kara was down in it, laying in the shattered pieces of the presidential lectern; EMT’s surrounding her preparing to hoist her onto the gurney . He pulled another one, holding it up so the light from the window could enhance the details.

The EMT team lifting, the blood stained center crest of Kara’s suit prominent in the shot.

_The money shot,_ James thought to himself; and his stomach lurched suddenly. His journalistic instincts had taken over the moment the gunshots had started firing as he went into photographer mode, zeroing in and capturing everything he could as fast as it was happening in front of him.

He couldn’t fathom why his instinct was to take pictures instead of run to her. 

But that’s what he did.

James looked up from the picture and stared across the newsroom to the Executive office at the far side.

There sat Cat within; head down, working feverishly. He imagined she had no idea that Kara had lived, and was by all accounts physically recovered, if not back to full strength yet.

Almost no one knew what Kara’s status was. No one but the DEO, and Alex of course.

But even Kara’s closest friends had no idea how she was doing after surviving the shooting. She wasn’t seeing anyone yet, and wasn’t returning calls. All they could do was wait for her to be ready to emerge again, to an anxious and impatient public.

James set the photo down and maneuvered around the table to the glass door.

He pushed it open and strode determinedly toward Cat’s office.

“Mr. Olsen?”

James stopped addressing a young columnist who had interrupted his march to Cat Grant’s office.

“Yes, Stacy, what can I do for you?” he said greeting her warmly.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you, “ she began nervously. “It’s just that.. Well I heard that Ms Danvers was sick and her column might be open for the next edition. So I thought maybe--”

“What did you have in mind Stacy?” James said encouragingly. The young writer beamed at the opportunity in front of her.

“Well, I don’t want to be out of line. I only wanted to know if I could be helpful if Ms Danvers was out, but I have this piece I’ve been working on about diversity in the study of quantum physics, and there’s this guy that believes--”

“That sounds very interesting Stacy.” James thought for a moment realizing the next edition was going to print in only a few days, and it was very unlikely Kara would have anything to submit.

“Kara is sick as it turns out. She has a really bad case of strep throat. Is your piece ready now for the next edition?” James asked sincerely.

The young woman beamed ”She is really?” a wide grin across her face as if it were the best news she had heard all day. “I mean, that’s really terrible Mr. Olsen. I’m so sorry, please tell Ms Danvers if there’s anything I can do I’d be happy to--”

“That’s alright,” James said amused at her enthusiasm. Investigative journalism was a competitive business and everyone did what they could to get their shot and their name in print.

“Send your copy to Snapper.” And with that her confident enthusiasm was replaced with deflated dread.

James chuckled a little at the reaction. “Don’t be discouraged Stacy. Even if Snapper doesn’t like the first pass, I’m sure all it will take is a few edits to get it printed.”

She smiled and nodded at the encouragement and turned to get back to work.

The door to the executive office was propped open, so James walked in believing it was an implicit invitation. Cat was turned in her chair staring at the trio of news screens above. All of the prominent networks were on display in various quadrants of the panels. Even the questionably legitimate and politically slanted ones.

James approached the desk looking up at the screen displaying CatCo’s own news channel broadcast, the anchor addressing the audience through the screen accented with one of James own photographs prominently displayed in the upper corner.

The picture kept shifting; showing Supergirl in one of her signature poses, proud and confident. Then it would move to her laying in a pile a rubble; the team of EMT’s rolling her damaged body to the ambulance.

“I hate that picture,” James spoke aloud. Cat broke her concentration from the screens and shifted her attention to James.

She sized him up seemingly trying to decide how to respond to his statement.

“Nonsense,” Cat said. 

James shifted from the screen to his former boss and mentor.

“Catco is leading all of the major networks right now in the coverage,” Cat said returning her attention to her laptop screen as she adjusted her glasses.

“Those pictures are pushing us to national prominence. We’re going to need to clear out the 4th floor to ramp up our on-air division.”

“Are you sure it isn’t because our owner is the White House Press Secretary?” James returned. He didn’t know why he said that, but there it was.

Cat didn’t return the quip finishing typing something on her laptop. She looked up and locked eyes with her chosen successor.

But before they could continue their conversation a small brunette entered the room with some trepidation. 

“Mr. Olsen? Ms. Grant?”, the young HR manager said, unsure of which boss to address.

“What is it Mara?” Cat said to the room without shifting her eyes from James.

James turned and smiled warmly, hoping to put her at ease.

The young woman shifted her attention back and forth between both of the ultimately settling on Cat.

“Ma’am, Mr. Olsen; I’m getting inquiries from the staff concerning Kara Danvers. She hasn’t been at her desk in over 3 weeks. Her sister has called in and reported her sick, but we might need to put her on short term disability if she doesn’t---”

“Kara Danvers isn’t sick Mara,” Cat interrupted. James looked to her puzzled but kept silent.

Cat held her stare with James another moment before shifting her attention to the HR specialist. “There isn’t any need to place Kara Danvers on any kind of leave because she’s out in the field, working.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Mara answered, somewhat relieved. “Why is her sister calling in for her if she’s--”

“Because she’s on assignment,” Cat interrupted again, this time with more intensity. “Kara is out on assignment covering a story and it is important that her anonymity be maintained for the duration of it.”

“Okay.” The HR specialist said, unsure of what her marching orders were. “Aren’t we normally informed if a reporter is out on assignment in the field ma’am?” 

Cat sighed impatiently. “Mara, I am the White House Press Secretary and the Queen of all media, you can’t expect me to find time in my day for something as inconsequential as insuring that HR is properly accounting for employee comp time.”

The young woman looked puzzled. “But Ms Grant, I wasn’t aware we offered comp time.” 

“That will be all Mara,” Cat said dismissively, clearly done with the conversation. The HR specialist exited the room without further comment.

James held fast, completely unsure of what had just transpired.

Cat leaned and pulled open the desk drawer to her right and produced a mid-size black leather traveling case. Without looking at James directly, she reached out handing it to him from across the desk.

James took the case and opened it as Cat returned to typing at her laptop, evidently putting the finishing touches on whatever she was working on.

Within the pouch was several official documents, all in James’ name. An international press pass, a black American Express and Visa, a newly renewed US Passport, and a US Consulate ID.

James shook his head confused.

He sifted through the documents and looked up as Cat was collecting a print from behind her.

Cat looked down at her desk pausing as she collected her thoughts. “It’s true what they say about how Government works James.” She looked up. “I’m the White House Press Secretary and I don’t even know where she is or what has become of her.”

James swallowed.

She continued. “All the President will tell me is that she is alive, and that I cannot speak about it to the press at all.”

Cat held her stare at James not really expecting a response.

“Ms. Grant, I..”

“Take whatever and whoever you need,” Cat said, returning to her keyboard. “There are US Consulate forms to designate an administrative assistant within. Just have whatever _minion_ you end up procuring fill it out and get it to me. I’ll process it.”

“Ms Grant, “James said. “I’m not sure what it is you are asking me to do here.”

Cat reached across handing James the photocopy she had produced from her printer.

“ _You, are_ going to go find who did this to _Supergirl_ James. You're going to find them, and paint them with a laser-beam or whatever the special forces people need to send them straight to hell.”

James felt a sudden surge of purpose start rising within him as he studied the picture Cat Grant had just handed him.

“You’ll have everything at your disposal. The Jet; the helicopter. Go find whoever did this do you understand me?”

James nodded folding the picture and placed it into the leather case. “I’m going to need some help but I think I know where to start.”

Cat allowed a small satisfied expression to escape, grateful that James was accepting the assignment without protest.

He turned to exit the room but before he could she stopped him.

“You don’t hate the picture James,” Cat stated quietly.

He turned and addressed her again.

“You hate that you took it.”

He stared at her, unable to form a response. Unsure if there even was one.

Cat stood and crossed her arms. “You’re a professional James. You did your job and you not only helped grow this company and insure the livelihoods of the workforce you steward, but the added revenue coming in will allow us to fund the operations necessary to pursue this and other important stories. And the attention your pictures garnered made it possible to produce _that lead_ you just folded into that case.”

James nodded, feeling a little bit better about himself.

“One more thing,” Cat added. She was seated again at her desk, focusing back to her laptop screen.

“You’ll need to produce an investigative article for Kara Danvers while you’re out.”

James smirked, and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It never made sense to me that James has ended up as an executive in the office. I think his character is at his best when showcased as a photojournalist.


	4. Uncertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara hesitates in donning her suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, I'm sorry if there is confusion with this update. I felt it needed to be placed a little earlier to make sense in the timeline. So please consider this a new chapter, albeit inserted in-place ahead of "The Lead" and "Partners". I will also probably do this one more time at least.

_What a dull grey floor_ , Kara thought to herself looking downward between her knees. She flexed her toes resting against the cold drab surface. One red boot was propped against the bench she was sitting on. She ran her thumb back and forth against the soft leather lip of the one she had been holding for the last 10 minutes. 

Without sitting up from her hunched over position, she lifted her head and looked around the room. The DEO locker room was the perfect, textbook example of a state of the art, and squared away facility. Everything was clean, and proper. The lockers all closed and organized, a gleaming dark grey as if they had just been painted.

 _But still grey_ , she thought.

She looked back down pulling the boot opening apart with both hands. But before lifting to insert her foot, she lowered the sole back down to the ground, twisting it slightly, listening for the faint sound it made while rubbing against the surface of the floor.

The hair on the back of her neck stirred. The air pressure within the room changed slightly with the presence of a new person who had just entered. She didn’t need to look up and see who it was as footsteps became more pronounced with each approaching step. The scent was unmistakable. And the heartbeat was like a fingerprint to her. 

So she didn’t look up, but kept staring downward, holding the boot opening with both hands while running her thumbs back and forth across the soft surface.

The figure was standing in front of her now. And moments without a word spoken was starting to feel uncomfortable. But now it seemed like it was uncomfortable to speak or even to look up. 

But why? She was just putting on her boots. Why should that be a problem.

She heard the rustling of fabric as the person in front of her crouched downward. Now it felt like she should stay concentrated on the boot below her. She stared at it, intentionally avoiding the urge to break away and look elsewhere. The boot was the focus. It was the task at hand. 

She could feel the breath of the person in front of her now. It was clear their face was very near to her. Her stomach started to become queasy. Now she was trying to find the right words to say. How to describe what was wrong with putting on this boot. But there wasn’t anything wrong. She was just distracted with all this drab and grey ness surrounding her. Kara realized she needed to put on this boot. That would break the ice and make it all normal. A feeling of urgency starting enveloping her. She slowly drew in a breath but it took surprising effort. Her mouth quivered as she took it in and her eyes began to water. She was about to drop the boot and wipe her eyes when the warm and comforting pressure made contact with her forehead. 

Kara closed her eyes relaxing slightly, allowing the warmth of the kiss to ground her. The water behind her eyes were suddenly allowed to release and flow down her cheeks because she no longer fought to hold it in. She was still looking downward and watched as a droplet freed itself from her chin and fell, striking the cold grey concrete floor like a tiny meteorite impact.

She looked up. 

“You don’t have to do this today if you’re not ready,” Alex said. Kara shook her head trying to pull her resolve from somewhere deep inside.

“No, I want to,” Kara answered.

Alex leaned in a little closer. “Kara, look at me.”

Kara looked up. Alex’s face was soft, and comforting, and her eyes were that perfect jade green that could somehow bore into her very soul.

“What is wrong,” Alex asked. “Why are you so upset?”

Kara closed her eyes shaking her head. “I don’t know,“ she answered.

Alex cocked her head slightly with a puzzled expression.

“I really don’t know,” Kara said again. “I’m sitting here trying to put on this boot, and I know I should have put it on already, but I’m having a hard time and I don’t really know why.”

“Okay,” Alex said. “Is there something wrong with the suit?”

“Yes, that must be it,” Kara answered. She shifted rolling her shoulders and twisted rotating at her waist. “Something doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s the wrong size or something.”

Alex paused trying to understand what the problem could be. “Kara, that is your suit.”

“It is?” Kara’s surprised expression was almost panicked; like she had no idea.

“Yes,” Alex answered. “Kara, this is _your_ suit. It isn’t a new or different one.”

Kara looked downward toward her chest. She raised her hand brushing her fingers across the red signet on her chest. She lightly traced the raised Kryptonian symbol emblazoned against the blue background. “It feels different somehow,” she said looking up.

Alex smiled reassuringly. “Winn fixed it of course. But he also added a thin breast plate behind your crest.”

Kara’s eyes widened in sudden panic.. “He what? He put a bullet proof plate into it? Why? Does he think I’m going to be shot again? Does he think I won’t be able to---”

“Winn doesn’t think anything like that Kara,” Alex interrupted. Kara stopped but was earnestly waiting for more.

“Winn put the plate in because I asked him to.” Alex stated.

Kara squinted slightly, her skepticism showing through.

Alex continued.

“It’s true,” Alex said. “I asked him to do it for me.”

“But why? Do you think I’m not strong enough? That I won’t be able to--”

“No Kara,” Alex interrupted again. “I believe in you, I always have. This is for me. It makes me feel better, that’s all. Will you wear it for me?”

Kara paused trying to determine if what Alex was saying made any sense. “Well of course I’ll wear it for you Alex. I don’t want you to worry. If it helps you I am very willing to---”

“It does,” Alex interjected again. “It makes me feel better knowing it is there. You don’t need it of course. I know that. But I need it okay? Is that okay?”

“Yes it is Alex. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were feeling this way. I’ll be okay alright?“

“Alright,” Alex answered with a smile. “Thank you. It’s for me okay? Winn thought it was ridiculous and would probably weigh you down, but I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. I’m sorry for that.”

“No please don’t be sorry,” Kara exclaimed. She reached forward with her arms and pulled Alex into her wrapping her arms around her. “You don’t have to worry okay? I’ll be alright.”

Kara leaned back and smiled reassuringly to her bondmate.

She reached down and grabbed the boot and determinedly inserted her foot through the opening.

Before she could zip the side, Alex took hold of the back of her heel and calf. Kara placed her palms to each side of herself on the bench and stared into Alex’s face.

Alex clasped the small zipper and tugged it upward closing the boot snug around Kara’s leg. Kara extended her other foot as Alex retrieved the other boot and performed the same operation.

She ran her hand down the backside of Kara’s calf and lowered her foot to the floor. Looking up she met Kara’s smile. Kara stood from the bench and taking Alex’s hands in her own pulled her up standing in front of her.

Kara leaned forward and embraced Alex. They both melted into each other for what seemed like a long and tender moment. Nothing else mattered at all.

Alex leaned back slightly and brushed the hair from Kara’s face, encouraging her to look back into her, but Kara focused downward toward the floor.

“Kara,” Alex said, making it clear she wanted her bondmate to redirect her attention from the floor. Kara hesitantly looked upward, trying to pull her confidence together. She smiled slightly nodding as she did so.

“You’re okay,” Alex said. “This is just a little patrol to get out and stretch your wings okay?”

Kara nodded, dipping her head slightly as she inserted the DEO comm unit into her ear.

Alex took hold of her shoulders and winked encouragingly.

“You got this.”


	5. Engage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets out in the field for the first time after the shooting

Kara held stationary far over the city skyline. She had launched herself from the DEO balcony straight upward and completely vertical, and had only stopped when she could see the entire city below her as just a far off metropolitan matrix of streets and structures. Beyond its borders was open space extending into the desolate and unsettled desert inland. From here she could just make out a few tiny references of human occupation along the thin line of highways that continued far eastward. She extended her arms outward and closed her eyes, embracing the chill and quiet of the altitude, but also in soaking up the rays of earth's beautiful yellow sun. At this height, she had an almost unfiltered access to sol’s energy. Her body tingled as it soaked it in, her cells acting as billions of microscopic capacitors absorbing and charging her. Filling her with power.

She took a deep breath. The air was thin, but she felt alive and invigorated. She wished she could bring Alex this far up with her. She was sure she’d love it.

Closing her eyes and concentrating on her enhanced sense of hearing, the ambient sounds of the city below started as an incomprehensible jumbling of static. She slowed her breathing and calmed herself, channeling her senses groundward. The static started to soften and clear. Individual and specific sounds started to become distinctive and recognizable, like the faint honking of horns in traffic, the blast of a train horn as it pulled out from a station, and sirens from police and firefighter vehicles. 

She concentrated further, focusing downward, channeling through the ambient noise. Now she could hear music emanating from clubs and gathering halls, and announcements over loudspeakers. Voices started to bleed through and she could make out the protestations of a young girl complaining to her mother about going down for a nap when she wasn’t even sleepy.

Kara grinned at that one. 

She focused further. The superficial noises faded and she started to detect the rhythmic strumming of the humans heartbeats. So many though. It was like a dull cacophony of a percussion recital; but one without any direction or purpose. She tilted her head slightly and tuned them out, dozens and then hundreds at a time, until only one was audible. It was like music to her. Strong and confident. This heart was a part of her. But it was beating faster than normal, agitated. 

Kara’s forehead constricted slightly, exposing her trademark crinkle above her nose.

“Alex are you alright” Kara asked aloud, the highly advanced DEO earpiece and mic allowing her direct access to this hearts owner.

Alex shifted nervously standing next to Winn in the DEO Operations room. He turned from his monitor glancing up at her, watching as she paused and seemed to contemplate on her response.

“I’m fine Supergirl; just standing by.”

Alex closed her eyes and concentrated on controlling her heart rate. _“Damn it. I should have taken a tranquilizer_ ,” Alex cursed herself inwardly.

“How’s the view from up there?” Alex added quickly, hoping the change in subject would get her girl back on track and away from focusing on her.

Kara smiled broadly leaning her head back and breathing in the frigid thin air. “It’s wonderful,” Kara breathed gushingly. “It’s so peaceful and calm up here Alex. I think you would..”

“It sounds very nice Supergirl” Alex interjected, hoping to head off any potentially inappropriate dialog that was about to come out on this secure, albeit far from private DEO channel.

Alex glanced slyly around the room at the various Agents with headsets on at their terminals. None of them showed any outward signs of having picked up on Kara’s familiarity with Alex on the channel.

None except Winn, who couldn’t help grinning as he busied himself with the cities grid and activity indicators in front of him.

Alex poked her index finger rigidly into his side, taking particular care in making direct contact with the side of his rib cage to augment the sting.

Winn flinched slightly but kept his attention directed toward his terminal. 

That was definitely going to leave a bruise.

Kara took another deep breath centering herself. Alex’s heartbeat faded into the background as she retreated slightly, trying to broaden her sensory net, looking for something or someone in need of her help.

Several indicators illuminated on the grid in front of Winn. “Okay Supergirl,” he began. “NCPD has a robbery in progress at the Union Bank on south Figueroa street. This is a silent alarm trigger so it might be nothing.”

“Or it might be something,” Supergirl responded seriously, but with resolve. She peered downward zeroing in on the Union Bank building.

“I’m en-route” she stated determidly. She angled herself and blasted off downward.

“Here we go,” Winn said quietly and looking up at Alex. He was careful to mute his mic first. Alex couldn’t help the worried expression she was projecting back at him, but was thankful Kara couldn’t see it.

* * *

Kara landed thunderously on the street facing the Bank where three police squad cars had already taken up angled positions in front.

The Police Sergeant was holding his cars radio mic in his hand but stopped whatever he was in the middle of saying, the surprise at seeing Supergirl in front of him very self evident.

He smiled keying the mic, “Stand by dispatch. Supergirl just arrived on the scene.”

Kara could make out the very professional sounding response “ _10-4, Supergirl 10-23 on scene.”_

“It’s really great to see you Supergirl,” the Officer greeted. 

Kara kept her demeanor serious with her fists parked rigidly on each side of her hips. “What do we have Sergeant, is this the real deal or a false alarm?”

“Oh, it’s the real deal,” he responded shifting his attention back to the bank entrance. “The Officer first on scene was met with a gunshot out the door.”

“They have guns?” Kara asked, her tone rising slightly and losing some of her typical bravado.

The Sergeant didn’t seem to pick up on Kara’s change in tone, keeping his attention focused on the front of the building. “Unfortunately for us, yes. These guys came loaded for bear. The one at the door looked like he had an MP5 submachine gun. Just one of those things would tear my officers to shreds, but now that you’re here; well those guys don’t stand a chance.” The Sergeant was beaming in his confidence Supergirl would make short work out of this typically very dangerous situation.

“So how do you wanna play this?” the Sergeant asked. “Should we get them on the horn and distract them while you bust in there and take ‘em out? I can probably get the SWAT guys to make a good show of it and keep their attention over this way.”

Back in the DEO Operations room, J’onn Jones stepped up next to Alex and Winn, crossing his arms while listening to the verbal exchange over the monitors. Alex glanced sideways at him but he kept his focus at the overhead monitor showing a near crystal clear view of the scene. The DEO satellites were completely state of the art. Better than anything the intelligence department had. It was as close to being there on site as they could get.

Alex studied Kara’s face and could tell she was having trouble with the circumstance she was faced with.

Kara listened as the Sergeant gave his suggestions and nodded folding her arms across her chest. “Okay that sounds good. Should I go in now? Or maybe wait to see what they want? Or whether maybe—“

“I don’t think we have a lot of time to delay Supergirl” the Officer interjected. His demeanor changed from amused confidence to mild concern. “These guys were here to rob a bank and get the hell out, not take hostages. They’re getting pissed about now and they’re going to want to know who triggered that alarm. And when they find out who it was—“

“It’s not going to end well,” Kara finished looking past him to the bank entrance. She concentrated her hearing inward toward the scene and could make out some shouting inside. Her X-ray vision could make out several individuals crouched on their knees inside, with a few figures standing among them. One was waving his arms and pacing back and forth. Highly agitated.

“Okay,” Kara began. “They look just like you said. We may not have much time, so I guess I should maybe go in from the back? Or maybe down from the top?”

The Sergeant had a puzzled look as he listened to Supergirls suggestions. “I really don’t think it matters either way Supergirl. This whole thing is going to be over in a few seconds if you just—“

“ _Supergirl_ ,” Alex found herself speaking aloud and into the 2-way communication system. “ _Maybe you should stand-fast. We can get a radiation Geiger out there stat and see what you are dealing with—_ “

Kara raised her finger to her ear almost instinctively. “You think there could be Kryptonite here with these bank robbers?” Kara looked over at the Sergeant who had a confused and skeptical expression. He couldn’t hear the radio traffic from the DEO in Kara’s ear, but he heard Kara’s response. 

“You think these bank robbers might have something worse than guns or something?” He asked trying to imagine what Supergirl might be concerned about.

The Officer may not have been able to hear who was talking in Kara’s ear, but Alex could hear him just fine. She quickly responded into Kara’s earpiece. _“In all likelihood probably not, but that doesn’t mean—“_ But before Alex could finish her sentence J’onn’s strong commanding voice interceded.

_“Supergirl this is Director Henshaw. Tell the Sergeant to position his men at their cars and prepare to get on his bullhorn to engage with the perpetrators. As soon as he does, go in through the front glass and take out the man in the center of the group. That’s the one trying to identify the whistleblower. Do it now.”_

Kara nodded and looked directly at the sergeant. “Have your team hold their positions at their cars. As soon as you get on your bullhorn and get their attention I’m going in and putting an end to this.”

The Sergeant nodded raising his mic. “All units hold position.” He raised his bullhorn and glanced at Supergirl waiting for her signal.

Kara crouched slightly readying herself. She gave a deliberate nod to execute. The Sergeant spoke directly into the bullhorn. 

“This is Sergeant Hawkes of the National City Police Department and I’m speaking to whoever is in charge of the situation inside the Union Bank.”

Kara watched for a second as the perpetrators seemed to pause in their activities with the bank personnel. The agitated one seemed to turn in the direction of the door and she could see him start marching deliberately toward it, high stepping over the people in his way.

She was about to spring forward when the figure marching deliberately toward the door reached down, and grabbing a hand-full of hair pulled one of the kneeling people roughly upward.

Kara paused as the person stumbled forward barely on their feet while the assailant dragged them toward the door.

The door to the bank burst open with the robber positioned directly behind his female victim. One of his arms tightly around her neck, and the other holding the muzzle of his submachine gun to her temple.

“Any of you make a move and she’s dead do you understand! They’re all dead!”

Then he retreated back into the bank shutting the door and latching it from behind. Kara could see the man shove the woman roughly back to the floor, and then as she looked up was met with a hard backhand across her face.

Kara looked to the side, to the Sergeant who had a disappointed expression. “I think we just lost our window Supergirl.”

Kara pursed her lips trying formalize another action plan. With three assailants inside and all of them ready to pull the trigger, she was finding it hard to imagine how to get inside and disarm them before anything tragic could happen.

Back at the DEO, J’onn dropped his chin with an outward sigh. Alex stood silent. She wasn’t exactly sure where this was going wrong, but she had a feeling her intervening might make things worse.

J’onn looked back up to the monitors and tapped Winn on the back of his shoulder. “Can you tap into the power grid for this section?”

“I can do better than that,” Winn said typing feverishly. “This bank is on its own feed to 2 different substations. But because the power is redundant and dedicated, I can isolate this building itself.”

“What about generators?” J’onn asked.

Winn shook his head. “I doubt it. They don’t need uninterruptible power. I’m pretty sure that if both feeds go down, the vaults simply close and lock up on battery power.”

“If they have generators, how long before they kick on?” J’onn asked.

“Five to fifteen seconds,” Winn answered. He was already readying the triggers to bring down the power on J’onn’s queue.

J’onn looked back unto the monitors and crossed his arms. “Patch me into the Sergeant.”

Winn hit one button, without even diverting his attention from the overhead monitor.

“Sergeant, this is Special Agent Jones with the FBI. We’ve been monitoring your situation and we think we can help.”

The Sergeant looked confusingly at Kara, but she nodded and he could feel confidence renewing.

“Special Agent Jones, this is Sergeant Hawkes. I’d appreciate any assistance you can provide.”

“Is your tactical team ready?” J’onn asked.

The Sergeant looked to the corners of the building where members of SWAT were split and positioned ready to go.

“Our guys are ready Agent Jones , but I think we’re on borrowed time. These guys might start ending lives very soon if we don’t get in there.”

“I agree,” J’onn said. “I know your people know their jobs. We can help by cutting the power and giving you back your initiative.”

The Sergeant shook his head. “No, we already explored that. There’s a hospital in this sector of the grid. We can’t cut power without affecting the hospital.”

“Leave that to me Sergeant,” J’onn said looking down at Winn for confirmation. Winn nodded ready to pull the trigger.

“Your window is small Sergeant,” J’onn added. “You have between 5 and 15 seconds to get in there and secure the scene.”

“Understood,” The Sergeant responded, and renewed confidence displaying on his face. “Swat teams alpha and bravo prepare to engage.”

“Supergirl”, J’onn said, and on the open channel.

“I'm here,” Kara answered, trying her best to project confidence.

“You need to take out suspect number one. The one that grabbed the hostage. Am I clear?”

“Yes sir,” Kara answered, trying her best to stay in the game.

“Sergeant,” J’onn began, “Stand ready. As soon as the lights go out, you move.”

The Sergeant looked back toward the bank, where both he and Supergirl could see that one of the suspects was waving his arms and reached down grabbing one of the hostages.

Kara glared outward and waited impatiently for the operation to proceed.

The Sergeant swallowed nervously. He raised his bullhorn to his mouth hoping he could buy a few more seconds with some chatter.

J’onn placed his hand on Winn’s shoulder and still looking to the overhead monitors spoke softly,

“Now.”

Winn executed the order, and a split second later all of the electrical power evaporated in the Union Bank building.

The next few moments were an explosion of activity. The SWAT team moved instantaneously; shattering the front doorway and moving into the lobby. They immediately deployed teargas canisters that created a thick fog of cover, and disoriented everyone in the room. 

Supergirl concentrated her senses into the center of activity, searching for the primary suspect. Her acute vision found him. As she locked onto his person, his high anxiety and heart rate thundered into her head. 

Kara’s own anxiety spiked as she realized this man was at critical mass. She watched him swing his sub machine gun forward to aim it downward toward the crouching hostages.

And in that moment she sprang forward, crashing through the front doorway. She stopped short but only as her eyes erupted in high intensity beams that sprang forth, connecting with the assailants weapon.

The robber had pulled the trigger; but the weapon was already glowing red hot, its internal mechanisms fused and melted together into a solid mass of lead, steel and aluminum.

The perpetrator dropped the hot molten clump of metal that was formerly his weapon, raising his burned palms in front of his face in horror.

But he didn’t have time to study the damage. The front of his jacket was tugged upward and his whole body elevated from a fist that had grabbed him.

He looked down into the seething face of the _Girl of Steel_.

Their eyes locked, and his first thought was that he was caught, and the game was over.

But then her eyes narrowed. Her lips tightened into a snarl. The robbers heart rate quickened watching as Supergirls forehead tightened, her glare intensifying.

The irises of her soft blue eyes began to brighten. Then all of both eyes completely overtaken by fire.

And then he realized he wasn’t just caught. He was about to die.

“ _Kara._ ”

Alex was holding the tip of her headset mic as she concentrated hard on keeping her voice calm and soft.

J’onn was still focused on the overhead monitors, but Winn turned slightly to watch as Alex engaged with their hero on the secure channel.

Supergirl paused at the sound of her bondmates voice, but it was almost in the background.

“Breathe..” Alex said. 

Kara, took a deep breath and closed her eyes, pushing the fury back down. The robber swallowed wondering if the next moment was going to be his last. But he was lowered to the ground, and pushed down onto his knees.

Several tactical officers grabbed him taking over the arrest.

Supergirl turned and walked out of the banks entrance and looked out at the crowd that had gathered.

Sergeant Hawkes walked up with a satisfied look. “It’s all over Supergirl. This one came out ok.” 

She looked to the side watching as tactical officers were moving two of the robbers directly to armored vehicles.

Ambulance personnel were attending to several of the hostages, as well as to the hands of the lead robber who was grimacing in pain. 

She heard the sound of helicopters overhead and looked upward. One of them had a spot light focused down directly onto her, its side panels emblazoned with “Catco” in big white lettering.

There was no avoiding her now. She knew where she needed to go next.


	6. The Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winn is at a DEO terminal still trying to balance his dual roles of working for both the DEO and Catco. Something comes to his attention. And now he has to decide what to do.

_ Oh my fucking god _ … Winn thought to himself, staring at the picture Cat Grant had scanned into CatCo’s secure archive.

He had been giving serious thought to the practicality of splitting his time between Catco and the DEO, and although he was more than capable of keeping up with Catco’s modest IT needs, he felt a little uncomfortable having constant access to such sensitive information both on the private sector and the secret clandestine side of a black ops government agency.

It was only a matter of time before something came across that would force him to compromise his loyalties to one place versus the other, be it a newsworthy story that  _ should _ be shared with the public despite government secrecy, or sensitive information delivered to a news organization that could be critical to an investigation. 

He figured whistleblower laws would protect him from the former, but the latter was a little more scary, given the power of corporate attorneys and their ability to bankrupt him seven lifetimes over, particularly if driven by Cat Grant personally.

But here it was right in front of him.

Being Catco’s head of IT caused all uploaded and saved content to trigger notifications to him. He switched accounts without thinking much about it, and brought the content up in front of him on his DEO terminal. Several still photos accompanied a video file within the file vaults more secure location. The folder was newly created and saved within Cat’s personal tree; which meant that only herself and him would have access. And as he thought about it… she might not even know that.

Winn studied the photo recognizing the location and circumstance. It was definitely footage from the Civic Center shooting. He looked from side to side to check if anyone was looking over his shoulder. He executed the video file and watched as the scene played out; the figure crouched next to what looked to be a fallen Federal Agent on the top of a building. It was a little grainy; evidently shot from overhead by an amateur RC drone with a built-in camera, but the video itself was short and inconsequential, as the drone apparently flew by without hovering long.

Winn switched to the still shots Cat had saved. These were professionally enhanced from the video footage, and the features of the individual were fairly clear and identifiable.

Winn leaned back in his chair taking a deep breath and folding his hands in his lap. This was the best lead they had, and it didn’t belong to them.

But it could make all the difference in the world for finding the shooter. Winn leaned forward and began typing to create several secure tunnels to copy the files through, eventually landing to his own personal filestore. He executed the copy and then as quickly as it was done, erased the trace of accessing the files through the server’s logs. It wouldn’t be noticed as there was rarely any activity in these folders, and the last known timestamp would be listed as Cat Grant herself.

It was done. He had the files. And he hadn’t decided to reveal them yet or copy them to a DEO filestore. He strummed his fingers rolling it over in his mind trying to reconcile and justify what he probably knew he would do anyway. But how to go about it.. Maybe resign from Catco first? But then if the pictures came to light how what he explain the timing of that? No… better to wait a few days. Or maybe another idea would..

“You look like you’re trying to figure something out,” Alex said over his shoulder. Winn spun his chair to face her. 

“Sorry? Oh, no not really just--”

“What’s that on your screen?” Alex moved forward and leaned in.

“That?” Winn tried his best to sound as insignificant as possible. “It’s just a picture; well it could be a lead, but I’m not really sure, I still need to--”

“A lead?” Alex said leaning closer. “For the shooting?” Alex was maneuvering around him to get a closer look, but Winn spun and minimized the window before she could get into position.

“Alex, I haven’t vetted this yet,” Winn attempted, trying his best to shut this down before it got out of his control.

Alex looked confused at Winn’s reaction; so he leaned close and lowered his voice so that only she could hear him.

“Alex, look, I can’t show this to anyone yet.” 

But Alex wasn’t going to let this go so easily. She narrowed her eyes and brought her command presence to bear on Winn’s fragile shield of defence.

“Winn, you aren’t really going to suggest that you sit on a lead that could help identify Kara’s shooter are you?” 

“Alex listen I--”

“Because it sounds like that’s what you’re suggesting,” Alex continued as if uninterrupted. “It  _ almost _ sounds as if you were suggesting that you withhold evidence  _ from me _ that could identify the person that almost killed Kara, your best friend and my--”

“Alex please,” Winn said as quietly but insistently. He looked from side to side trying to insure at least for the moment that this was contained to just himself and Alex.

“Alex listen,” Winn continued, quietly but with a seriousness that even Alex recognized was unusual.

“I just came across this information. I have no idea if it’s valid or actionable yet.”

But Alex wasn’t sold. “So let me see it. Let’s see what’s there and what we can work with.”

Winn sighed. This was not going to go away. “Alex, it’s not that simple. I just got this but it’s not technically a lead that came to us; to the DEO I mean.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked. Where did you get it?

Winn leaned in again rechecking anyone within earshot. “This file is from Catco. Cat uploaded it  _ herself _ to the secure filestore.”

“Well, why do you have it?” Alex asked.

Winn stuck out his chin incredulously. “I’m still the IT SysAdmin for Catco. I get notified anytime there are file uploads to the secure archive.” He leaned in closer.

“Alex, I wasn’t even thinking about it when I got the notification this time. I just opened it like I normally do. Except this one is clearly material during the shooting incident.”

Alex stared into Winn’s face. “Winn, I don’t care where you got it. Does it have an identifiable suspect?”

Winn shrugged nervously. “Well there is someone in the shot. But listen, the video is very grainy, probably taken from an amateur drone flying overhead.”

Alex was losing patience at this point. She slowly extended her arm to Winns chest and curled her fingers around the center of his shirt, tightening the neckline as she closed her grip. “Winn, you can’t seriously be suggesting you withhold this information are you? Because I can make this very easy for you.”

“Alright-alright,” Winn aquessed. “But you have to keep this to yourself for the moment okay? At least until we know if there’s anything to it.” Winn looked around again.

“I’m not supposed to have this here, Alex.”

“Show it to me,” Alex instructed. She leaned down helping to block the screen but focused her attention there.

Winn turned and maximized the window bringing the photo into clear view.

And Alex’s blood ran cold.

She put her hand to her mouth but failed to completely mask the gasp that escaped.

Winn wasn’t looking at the picture, but at Alex’s face as her face turned red and her eyes watered with fury.

He looked surprised. “You recognize who that is?” he asked quietly.

Alex nodded. 

Winn closed the computer window and faced her waiting for Alex to say something. Alex closed her eyes as her mind spun, processing what she had just seen in the photo.

“Winn, that’s the woman that Kara went on the date with. The one she met at Cat Grants fundraiser.”

“What? Are you sure?” Winn asked. That seemed way too far fetched. 

Alex nodded. “Her name is Sara. She was just casing Kara the whole time,” Alex whispered aloud as if the realization of what happened right in front of her finally made sense. She locked eyes with Winn.

“She stalked her. Then it wasn’t enough that she found her. She took her out and.. “

Alex paused, catching her breath from the sudden rush of anguish enveloping her. Her mind was racing with the realization of who this person was and how she had hunted Kara and played with her.

_ “Then she took advantage of her.” _

Winn waited quietly as Alex worked her way through it.

Alex swallowed and took a breath. “Then, after she had her fun, she got up the next morning with Kara probably asleep next to her and devoted the rest of her day to killing her,” Alex said.

Winn shifted his eyes from side to side trying to read into what Alex was suggesting. “Alex, this is all just supposition right now. All we know at this moment is that you think this is the same woman; but Alex maybe we should show this to Kara--”

“Absolutely NOT!” Alex declared, and a little too loudly as it drew the attention of a few agents working at their terminals.

Alex lowered her voice and leaned down again.

“Under no circumstances is Kara EVER to see this. Do you understand me Winn?”

Winn shook his head. “Alex, calm down. I had only just saw this before you walked up. We still need to show this to J’onn and get his take. But first, we really should consider the number of lawsuits Ms. Grant is likely to file against me.”

Alex glared directly through the backside of his head.

“Okay,” Winn relented. Please; let’s at least take this to J’onn before we do anything else.”

Alex narrowed her eyes.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was an interesting time when Winn was working for both places, which is why I decided to keep him in that role during this story. It makes for an interesting quandary if he's forced to make a hard decision.  
> Yes, this is the same lead that James has in his possession.
> 
> Changelog  
> 9-10-2019 - adjusted from Chapter 4 to chapter 5


	7. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James gets started and reaches out to a friend who might be able to help him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay everyone. Just not a lot of time this summer to sit and write. I've been working on this a little here and there. Finally was in the mood to get some words down thinking about it this morning.

James pulled up as close as he could get to the crime scene. He could see uniformed officers up ahead standing behind the portable wood barricades strung with yellow tape. Onlookers and a few members of the press were standing on the civilian side of the tape, trying to get a good shot at the entrance to the house or a word out of the officers, who stood stoically; for the most part ignoring their very presence.

James opened his car door and stepped outside surveying the scene. He forgot how much he enjoyed being in the field and the feeling of grabbing hold of the story; finding just the right angle or expression to capture with his camera. 

He walked up the sidewalk taking care not to look hurried. He didn’t really want to draw attention, particularly at the scene of a homicide, where too often than not the perpetrator returned to observe the results of their handiwork. He really had only one reason to be here at all, and it wasn’t to tell the story of what had happened here.

James looked passed the barricade, and passed the uniformed officers guarding the perimeter. He glanced at the crowd pressed up against the fragile tape-wrapped barrier. A young beat reporter was waving her hand in front of one of the officers in a futile attempt to engage with him. But there was no movement at all from behind the dark metal rimmed sunglasses staring past her. He might as well have been a statue for all she was worth. Unless she decided to step past the barricade. Then the statue would come to life quickly and deliberately.

James smirked at that thought. _Amateurs_ , he thought to himself.

He looked to the side and noticed an older lady standing at her porch leaning against her own post. She was enthralled with the commotion next door to her house, separated by a deteriorating 7 foot fence.

James began to slowly make his way to the walk leading to the lady’s front door from the sidewalk. When he reached the front, he pulled out his camera and started snapping a few pictures toward the house of the scene of the crime.

The lady glanced his way and then back, not wanting to miss anything. Her attention went back to James as he started approaching up the walk.

“Hello,” he greeted. It was better to make contact first before she had a chance to kick him out. The lady looked him up and down skeptically. “I suppose you’re one of those nosy reporters?” the lady asked with some scorn.

“A reporter? Me?” James said incredulously. “No ma’am, I’m just an aspiring photographer,” James answered. “I was taking some pre-wedding photos for some friends at the park around the corner and noticed all the commotion.”

James walked up below her standing on the lawn below the porch, but still looking in the direction of the crime scene.

“Do you have any idea what this is all about?” James asked with an expression of pure curiosity. 

“Hrmf,” the lady grunted crossing her arms. “The boys in that house have always been trouble if you ask me.”

James snapped a few pictures and lowered his camera slightly, noticing a couple of specific law enforcement personnel exiting the front of the house. He recognized the one he was looking for. Even with her small frame surrounded by several larger male counterparts, she was clearly in charge and directing the activities around her.

James snapped another picture. “Hey, you wouldn’t mind if I came up on your porch would you? I’m supposed to collect some active scenes for my photography class and I think you have a better vantage from your porch.”

The lady shrugged. “Sure be my guest. But there really isn’t much to see here. You’d be better off trying from the backyard on top of the shed. You can probably see the whole yard from there.”

James smiled. “Thank you very much Mrs.?” 

“Stella,” the lady answered quickly.

“Thank you Stella,” James said graciously. “How should I--”

“You can go in through the side gate,” she said. “It’s unlocked. But please don’t let anyone see you. I don’t want those flat foot’s following you and traipsing around in my vegetable garden.”

James snapped another quick picture and moved slyly to the side yard gate. He took a quick glance to see if anyone was looking in his direction and with the coast clear, reached up and unlocked the latch. He pulled the gate open just enough to slip through and then gently closed it behind him snapping the latch back in place.

The side yard had an old red brick pathway that wasn’t entirely level. Years of undergrowth from the bushes and trees lining the fencing were pushing the bricks up in various places. The fence was old, and barely standing upright in several places. James peered over it looking into the neighboring yard. He was about to pass by what appeared to be a bathroom window of the neighboring house. He paused briefly to make sure no one was looking his way, and crouched when he saw a forensic technician pass in the hallway.

As he looked down he noticed a gleam lying in the flowerbed next to the fence. He crouched further to take a closer look and realized it was the blade of a knife, with blood. The blade was otherwise clean, and the handle was shiny black. It looked to be a retracting switchblade, nothing likely to have been laying in this lady’s yard for any length of time.

James looked up realizing the window of the bathroom was open and directly across from his side of the fence. He could see through the crack in the fence boards that there was no more movement inside the neighborhood bathroom. So he crept passed the open window and made his way to the rear of the backyard. But not before taking a few quick snapshots of the knife.

Stella’s shed was more like a backyard shop. It looked to be about the size of a one-car detached garage, and in fact it had a full wooden garage style door that looked to swing upward when opened, but didn’t look like it had in years.

The rooftop was steepled like any other, but not too steep. He looked like he could straddle the top, assuming it was still structurally sound.

James found an old wooden ladder affixed to the side of the shop. He lifted it off its hinges and propped it open and adjacent to the shop, carefully climbing the steps to the rooftop. It only took a few moments before he was atop and straddling the crest of the roof.

Stella was right. He could see the entire scene from here. The backyard of the neighborhood house was overgrown with weeds and didn’t look as if it had any use at all in recent months. All except for a narrow line through the weeds to a garden shed in the back. It was one of those old tin-sided ones. The kind that made a screeching sound when sliding the door open.

It looked as though someone had been moving between the back of the house and that shed at least, as the tall weeds were pounded downward in the form of a crude pathway.

James raised his camera and took a few pictures of the backyard and over the top of the house toward the activity in the front. He couldn’t help but think the shed probably had something to do with whatever had happened here. He looked downward into the backyard trying to pick the best possible route that wouldn’t disturb the crime scene. But he couldn’t wait. He needed to make contact right away.

James shifted swinging his leg over the side of the shop’s roof and slide down to the edge which crested the fence. Very carefully, he leapt to the neighborhood side of the house, but just against the fenceline. He walked it to the front gate of its property and unlatched it, gently pushing it open and gaining entrance to the crime scene side of the barricade.

James grinned realizing he was standing right among the activity. He raised his camera and pointed it in the direction of the lead investigators, snapping a few pictures just for fun. It was as if he had won the game, and collected the final piece of the scavenger hunt; so why not capture it for posterity.

The lead investigator noticed him and stopped her conversation with her subordinates. They all looked in his direction, but before one of the burley officers broke from their huddle and headed his direction the small female put her hand across his chest and stopped him.

James smiled reading her lips as she informed the officer she would take care of it. And with that she strode his direction, an obvious air of annoyance on her face.

“Isn’t this gang related homicide a little below your level James Olsen?” the woman said as she approached him.

“Surely you have more important things to do behind your big desk in that Catco highrise?” she needled further.

“Even executives like to get out among the people sometimes,” James quipped. “How else are we supposed to stay in touch with the common folk.”

“Besides,” James added, “you look like you could use a little help Maggie.”

“A little help?” Maggie said incredulously. “From Catco Magazine? 

What, is my makeup not up to snuff? Or am I wearing the wrong shoes? No wait,” Maggie added, looking up at the sky as if she were trying sincerely to determine what part of Catco’s many advice columns could be of assistance.

“I’ve got it,” she said. “I haven’t consulted my horoscope yet today. That must be it,” she stated. “How on earth should I expect to determine what is going on here without Susan Miller’s sage advice?”

“You know perfectly well Susan Miller doesn’t work for Catco,” James said. “If she did, I’m sure we’d have twice as many subscribers.”

“Seriously James,” Maggie crossed her arms. “Why are you contaminating my crime scene?”

“I came to see you actually,” James answered. Hoping that might lighten the mood.

“Did you really need to sneak in here to talk with me?” Maggie asked.

“Not really,” James answered with a grin. “But part of me just wanted to see how good your officers were at keeping out the press.”

“You’re not even wearing your press pass James,” Maggie retorted. “I should arrest you just for my own fun. And to save my officers the embarrassment. Which by the way, is going to get one or two of them into trouble and on traffic duty. I hope you know that,” Maggie stated, trying to instill some sense of regret into James incursion.

“A guy has to practice his skills,” James answered with grin. “Besides, this couldn’t wait.”

Maggie’s expression turned curiously serious on that unexpected remark.

“What couldn’t wait.” Maggie asked, but it was more of a statement.

James pulled the envelope out of his inside breast pocket and handed it to Maggie. As she looked it over one of the officers approached.

“Ma’am we’ve been all over the house and we can’t find the murder weapon. Without it, we might not be able to hold them much longer.”

Maggie continued studying the picture James had handed her as she responded to her officer.

“Well maybe if you all weren’t letting members of the press sneak into the crime scene, you might actually accomplish something.” Maggie tilted the photo slightly taking in as much detail as she could.

“I’m sorry ma’am I didn’t notice… should I escort him out…”

“No, I can handle Mr. Olsen,” Maggie said. “What I need from you is a murder weapon. Specifically a knife, with a stiletto blade, about four inches long. Just as the CSI described. Otherwise we might need to let these dirtbags go. Understand Officer?”

“Yes ma’am,” the Officer returned. He turned immediately and made his way back into the huddle of several other officers standing at the entrance to the house.

“This looks like the top of the expo across from the civic center,” Maggie said still studying the picture.

James waited patiently, but doubt was creeping into his face. “Anything familiar?” James asked.

Maggie shook her head and looked up. She was met with a disappointed look from James. She returned her attention to the photo, trying to see whatever James was alluding to.

She shook her head again, failing to see whatever James was hoping for.

James pursed his lips and sighed. “I was hoping she might look familiar to you.”

Maggie was confused. “What; you think she’s one of my ex’s or something? I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this woman before.”

James shook his head again. “No not that.” he said. “She looks familiar to me. I thought maybe if you recognized her, it might confirm where I placed her.”

Maggie lowered the photo. “Well, who do _you_ think she is? Where do _you_ think you saw her?”

“A few weeks ago at Cat’s fundraiser,” James said. Maggie raised the photo back up to view. She shook her head again. “Sorry. No, I don’t recognize her.”

James shifted glancing off to the side. “This looks like the woman that walked up to Kara and Alex at the bar.”

Maggie looked back at the photo. “Really?”

“You didn’t get a look at her?” James asked.

Maggie shook her head again. “No. I left the room after Kara and I--” She looked up and smirked slightly. “Well, after Alex intervened.”

James nodded.

“So you think this is the woman that Kara went on a date with?” Maggie asked, studying the photo again.

”I do,” James answered. “The hair, the face. It’s the same woman, I’m almost sure of it.”

Maggie shook her head. “Why not just show this to Alex and Kara?” Maggie asked.

“Because if Alex sees this picture I don’t think I’ll be able to find who shot Kara before Alex kills her.”

Maggie looked confused at James. “You mean you don’t think this woman crouching over this dead agent is a suspect?”

James shook his head. “No. Look again. Look at the way she’s standing over the agent.”

Maggie returned her attention to the picture cocking her head, focusing in on the details. She smirked slightly. “You’re right,” she said. Maggie pointed at the picture and continued without looking up.

“She’s resting her hand on the agent’s shoulder. And looking up and around her, as if she’s looking for the assailant.”

“What else?” James asked.

“No weapon,” Maggie stated. “Her hand’s are clear of any handgun or rifle.” She looked up. “And we already know that this agent was shot in the back of the head correct?”

“Correct,” James confirmed.

Maggie kept studying the picture. “This woman looks frustrated instead of focused. She got there late.”

James nodded. “My assessment as well. Whoever this is came after the assailant. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that she met with Kara. She’s after the same person we are.”

“We?” Maggie said.

James smiled. “Well, I am anyway. Cat wants me to find whoever did this. And I suspect I am already running a race with time as it is.”

“Why is that?” Maggie asked.

“Because it’s only a matter of time before Alex and DEO have this information. And they are likely to pour more resources into the chase.”

“Why not just work with them?” Maggie asked sincerely. “Seems counterproductive to me.”

James shook his head. “You haven’t seen Alex or Kara lately. Alex is not doing well. And no one beside Alex has talked with Kara since the incident.”

Maggie shook her head. “Alex is a strong woman James. And a damn good agent. She is more than capable of channeling her emotions in the right way.”

“Is she?” James asked. “Look me in the eye and tell me Alex isn’t going to hunt that woman down and kill her before she has the chance to say a word.”

Maggie paused as she stared back at him.

“You’re going at this alone then?” Maggie asked.

“Not exactly,” James answered. “I was hoping to take on a partner.”

Maggie chuckled a little louder than she intended. “You can’t be serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking about anything here Maggie?” James said.

Maggie shook her head slowly. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea James. Alex and I… well the dust really hasn’t settled yet. Besides, it’s not like I can leave. I’m in the middle of a crime scene here, and I have a job and responsibilities.”

James reached into his coat pocket and produced a very official looking State Department Document, filled out with Maggie’s name requesting temporary assignment with the Department of Justice.

Maggie smirked looking it over while shaking her head.

“Well I’m not going anywhere until we find a murder weapon,” Maggie said with some exasperation.

James dropped his chin and smiled. “Have you checked the neighbors yard yet? On the other side of the fence?”

Maggie stared straight at him, her eyes deadpan. “Jones!,” She called aloud without breaking her stare with James.

The uniformed officer from before walked briskly up to where she was standing. “Yes ma’am,” he answered, fully aware there was an impatient declaration coming his way.

“Tell me something,” Maggie began. “Is the bathroom window open?”

The officer shifted uncomfortably. “The window ma’am? The side yard window? I’m not sure. Let me go--” 

“When you find it open,” Maggie continued. “ _Carefully_ peer over the fence and into the neighbor’s side yard.”

“Yes ma’am,” the officer said, and quickly made his way back into the house.

Maggie sighed, looking back at the State Dept document. “I suppose this means I don’t really have much choice,” she said as she signed the bottom and handed it back to James.

“Everyone has a choice Maggie,” James said. “But I figured you’d choose the same as me.”

“Mmhmm,” Maggie returned nodding slightly.

Officer Jones walked up and produced a clear plastic bag with a bloodied stiletto knife blade inside. “Good news ma’am,” the Officer said cheerfully. “It looks like we found the murder weapon!”

“Please tell me you took some pictures before you scooped it up.” Maggie said.

The Officer looked blank, suddenly realizing he might have skipped a few steps.

Maggie sighed. “Never mind, just log it into evidence please. And tell Baker to start wrapping this up.”

“Yes ma’am,” the Officer said making his retreat as quickly as possible.

“Officer Jones,” James said. The Officer paused briefly. James unsnapped the side of his camera and pulled out the small memory card, handing it over.  
“A few of the pictures on this might come in handy.”

The officer smiled graciously accepting the gift.

James was still smirking when he turned back to Maggie.

“Well it seems I’m no longer needed here Mr. Olsen.”

“Then what do you say we get started. And see if we can’t catch a would be assassin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning. I think I might slide a missing chapter into the middle next. It occurred to me that it might make sense. I don't think it will disrupt anything, and I actually think it will make a little more sense and fill in a few things first.
> 
> Changelog  
> 9-10-2019 - adjusted from Chapter 5 to Chapter 6
> 
> NOTE chapter 4 “Uncertain” is new


	8. LOA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is awaiting Kara’s return from the bank robbery when she is summoned to the Directors office.

Alex stood outside on the DEO balcony watching as the sun was starting to descend toward the horizon of the sea. 

_Where is she,_ Alex contemplated, scanning the skyline. She was resisting her very strong inclination to call Kara and find out where she was. But she’d already crossed too much of that line recently, and she didn’t want to keep pestering Kara for overly intrusive things.

All she knew was that Kara left the robbery scene shortly after it was over and if she was returning to base, she would have been here by now.

Alex placed her hands on the railing and leaned forward stretching her back. She arched and pressed her hips upward and felt a few satisfying pops along her spine, rotating her neck, thinking that if she could relieve some pressure and generate some blood flow, she might feel a little better. She closed her eyes swaying her hips slightly from side to side trying to get one more vertebrae to pop, and then heard the intentional sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. 

She turned and straightened her jacket before looking up to whoever was tactfully soliciting her attention.

Vasquez stood with her hands clasped holding her pad, a small smirk across her face.

Alex cocked her mouth, more embarrassed at sticking her ass out for show than for Vasquez’ amusing expression.

“Can I do something for you Vasquez?” Alex said getting straight to the point.

Vasquez was trying to suppress her grin before responding. “I’m sorry to interrupt ma’am, but Director Henshaw would like to see you right away.”

Alex nodded. “Thank you Vasquez.” 

The agent, turned and strode from the balcony. Alex allowed herself a few more moments before she left to meet with the director, taking one more look to the sky first.

* * *

Alex sat down preparing herself for what was coming. J’onn was typing at his terminal and hadn’t yet greeted or addressed her.

But she could already tell this probably wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

Anyone in the room at the time knew this hadn’t been a perfect display of heroism. But Alex wasn’t about to let J’onn overreact and be too critical of Kara. After all it was him that encouraged Alex to get Kara up flying as soon as possible, and in the end everything turned out fine. From her perspective, she doubted anyone observing from the outside noticed anything other than a successful rescue of the hostages and capture of the robbers. All a meeting like this was accomplishing was to make her nervous and defensive. Was that what he wanted? Alex looked across the desk waiting for the Director to say something, but he was still busying himself with whatever he was working with on his terminal. 

She decided she’d stand a better chance of getting off on the right foot if she started this conversation herself.

“J’onn I know this wasn’t one of Kara’s best performances but like you said we needed to get her out into the field to bring her confidence back up again.”

“This meeting isn’t about Kara, Alex.” J’onn said still typing but then finished, turning to look her in the eye.

“It’s about you.”

Alex felt a sudden cold rush up her spine, as the DEO Director pivoted his chair and pointed a remote to a monitor on the wall activating it.

The screen display presented an overhead view of the Weapons Testing Range. 

Alex watched as the footage showed her walking to the firing line, with Winn standing behind her.

She shifted a puzzled look to her mentor, but J’onn’s attention was focused only up at the screen.

Alex returned her attention to the video footage which showed her holding her weapon on the range target for an unusual amount of time without taking a shot. The playback continued with a new zoomed-in screen popping into the lower right corner. That view focused on Alex’s hands, shaking.

Alex dropped her chin but could still see J’onn studying the footage out of the corner of her eye.

She glanced back up and watched as the video concluded with her critical rant to Winn, and her deliberate and dramatic exit from the room.

J’onn switched off the display and crossed his arms leaning back slightly in his chair.

Alex was still looking down into her lap. “Winn…” she muttered, shaking her head slightly.

“Agent Schott had nothing to do with this,” J’onn interrupted. “ _Compliance_ reviews the cameras in that room Alex. You know that.”

Alex knew perfectly well what J’onn had observed in the video footage. But she had to figure out a way to downplay this before it could become something official.

“J’onn, you saw it yourself. The test was inadequate. Once I realized that, I deferred it so we would have more accurate results.”

J’onn maintained his skeptical demeanor and paused before responding.

“That’s a load of crap Alex.” J’onn unfolded his arms and leaned forward placing them on his desk with hands clasped. He hoped that maybe he might soften the tone slightly.

“You’re going to tell me that outburst at Winn was appropriate or even normal?”

Alex shifted in her seat and tried to exhibit an innocent shrug. “I had an unsatisfactory test scenario from an agent who should have known better. Isn’t it how you would have responded?”

J’onn narrowed his eyes. “Unsatisfactory? With Winn Schott? Is that how you want to play this Alex?”

Alex paused considering her next words. J’onn wasn’t buying this, and besides, it was wrong to throw Winn under the bus like this.

“No, you’re right. There was nothing wrong with the test,” Alex admitted. “I don’t know why I couldn’t pull the trigger. I just couldn’t.” Alex continued looking downward trying to hold in her emotions.

J’onn paused. “So should we talk about the bank robbery then?”

Alex looked up with surprise. “J’onn, Kara was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I was just trying to offer logistical support.”

“I don’t think Kara was the problem there Alex. I think you were more concerned about the situation than she was. She just needed some encouragement.” J’onn said.

Alex narrowed her eyes defensively. “I think I’m a pretty good judge of what Kara is thinking and feeling and I’m telling you that—“

“I admit that Kara wasn’t at her best, and you definitely helped her de-escalate when she had apprehended the primary suspect,” J’onn interjected, trying to be fair.

“Thank you!” Alex exclaimed with a dramatic outstretching of her arms, which she returned to a crossed and defensive posture across her chest.

“However,” J’onn continued, his tone lowering and serious. “I think you did more harm than good there.”

Alex sat agape at J’onn’s assertion. But didn’t have the words for a response.

“Which is why I’m taking you off active duty,” J’onn stated.

“You’re suspending me?! Alex exclaimed. For what? For being thorough with testing a new piece of equipment? Or making sure Kara didn’t run into—“

“I’m not suspending you Alex, J’onn said. “I’m taking you off duty at the DEO. Call it a leave of absence.”

J’onn took a deep breath trying to soften the tension between them. “You need some time to settle this thing that’s hanging over you. Until you do, you’re no good to me here. And you’re certainly no good to Kara. At least not as a field supervisor.”

J’onn was careful to keep his demeanor as empathetic as possible as he observed the fury bubbling up within Alex.

“Alex, you’ve taken no time off since Kara was hurt. You’re beating everyone up for leads on the shooter, all while trying to keep up with your regular duties. But you need some time. You need to step back and let the pressure come down.”

“What I need is to stay on the case so I can be sure we catch whoever tried to murder my…. Kara!”

J’onn pursed his lips slightly resisting the urge to react harshly. “My decision is final Alex. As of this moment, you are on leave. I encourage you to avail yourself of our post traumatic services, or just find a nice quiet place to meditate and reflect. But you’re off duty.”

Alex stood, almost rigidly at attention. And then just as militarily, turned and exited the office.

* * *

Winn was striding the hallways trying to find Alex and was both surprised and alarmed when he saw her emerging from the Directors office.

He walked up to Alex cutting her off before she could head to the building exit. “Hey wait a minute. I thought we were going to go see J’onn together..”

Alex was still trying to come down from the anger she was feeling, even if unjustified. She stopped and sighed in frustration.

“The meeting wasn’t about that Winn”. 

“What do you mean? You look pissed Alex. What happened in there?” Winn’s eyes widened as a thought jumped into his head. “Wait, it wasn’t about Kara was it? Because you and I both know she’s going to bounce back, she just needs a little confidence building right?”

Alex shook her head. “It really wasn’t about Kara. It was about me. Look, I need to get going, I’ve been put on leave.”

“Wait, what?” Winn pivoted and stood in her way before she could step forward again.

“He suspended you?” Winn was genuinely alarmed. “Hold on, wait. We can fix this. Let me go talk to him first. Does he know we’re really close with the new suit? And the lead on the shooter. Did you tell him about the lead?”

“No,” Alex said. “No I didn’t. I decided that was your call.” Alex breathed out with a sigh. “I’m officially out for now Winn. I need to go.”

Winn was starting to look dejected. “But what am I supposed to do?”

Alex pursed her lips, sticking her tongue into the side of her cheek trying to be careful with her words. “Winn, take the lead on the shooter to J’onn or don’t. It’s your call.”

Alex pivoted around Winn and began to walk past him.

“But I’m going after that bitch myself.”


	9. Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supergirl pays a long overdue visit to The Queen of All Media

Supergirl landed softly outside the balcony glass door of Catco’s executive office.

The twilight was just beginning, so the light of the day was fading behind her, casting her as more of a shadow than a figure.

Cat Grant was busy at her desk scrolling through several windows of digital content when she sensed something just outside her peripheral view. She glanced slightly to the side more on instinct, and then turned her head realizing someone was standing just outside.

Cat pulled down her glasses, unsure if the light was playing tricks on her. But the silhouette hadn't moved and wasn’t fading away. It was definitely a young woman, but the backlight of the sun was still washing out her features, casting the figure as a black tracing.

She stood without shifting her view. Her heart started to pound in anticipation. Only one person would possibly be standing suddenly outside like that.

Then she caught the waving of the material behind the silhouette. A _Cape_ , she thought immediately, and then she moved from behind her seat to the glass door.

Cat very slowly and cautiously opened the glass door and felt the cool twilight air rush against her. _Slowly_. _Carefully_ she thought. _Or she might fly away._

She stepped outside and pivoted to face the woman. The backlighting shifted, and Supergirls entire profile came into focus.

Supergirl stood tall, with her arms at her sides, projecting heroic confidence. She smiled warmly.

The queen of all media blinked several times trying to be sure of who was standing in front of her.

She studied the hero’s face, which appeared almost anxious and shy.

“Hello Miss Grant”, Supergirl greeted softly.

Cat stepped forward cautiously at first, but then deliberately reached forward enveloping the Girl of Steel in her arms, pulling her close.

Kara closed her eyes and allowed the warm welcoming embrace to comfort her. She really had no idea how seeing Cat Grant was going to affect her, but this was a good start.

Cat pulled back but still held tightly to Supergirls arms. She looked her up and down as though examining her for injuries. Without even a second thought she placed her hand to the center of Kara’s chest, over the raised symbol of the house of El.

Just as suddenly she pulled it away turning as she wiped her eyes taking a few steps back. Kara stood, clasping her hands in front of her.

Cat turned back and crossed her arms, taking a stern expression. 

“Where have you been?”

Kara hesitated slightly. She wasn’t sure how to respond. 

“Miss Grant I’m very sorry, I should have—“

“You’re damn right you should have,” Cat interrupted her. “What? You think you can shock the world like that and leave them all hanging? Not knowing?”

“Miss Grant I—“ Kara tried.

“No one has seen or heard from you in weeks,” Cat interjected. “It’s bad enough that you have shirked your duties, but to lay around and let us all agonize over what had become of you—“

“Miss Grant I assure you, I take my duties very seriously. I would never—-“

“Do not interrupt me,” Cat commanded with a raised finger. 

Kara reclasped her hands dropping her head in acknowledgment.

“You have a responsibility to the people of this city and to the world,” Cat continued in her reprimand.

Kara looked downward speaking softly. “Miss Grant, I really am very sorry. I should have called.”

Cat’s eyes were still wet, and it was all she could do to hold back the flood behind them.

“Well,” she tried to begin again. Any awkward silence was not going be productive. “Are you alright?” Cat asked sincerely. She couldn’t help but look to Kara’s chest as she asked the question.

Kara frowned in her own hesitation. “I’m actually not sure Miss Grant.” Kara admitted.

Cats eyes narrowed slightly, sizing up the young woman in front of her. “Come inside,” Cat instructed, turning and walking through the door. It was said with the authority that Cat was so well known for, and it didn’t even occur to Kara to do anything other than comply.

Kara walked carefully through the glass door looking around the large office as if it were foreign to her somehow. Cat was already at the bar pouring herself a scotch, and a cold glass of water for her visitor.

She carried both glasses to the front facing couches and laid them both on the table. She motioned for Kara to come sit when it wasn’t clear if she was going to come do it on her own.

Cat took a small sip connecting directly into the eyes of her charge.

Kara raised the glass of water to reciprocate.

“Are you sleeping?” Cat asked to begin the examination. Kara wasn’t sure this was going to be helpful. All she felt was uncomfortable at the moment.

“Miss Grant, I actually don’t require that much sleep.” But Kara could tell that her answer didn’t satisfy her older mentor.

“That’s not what I asked you,” Cat said, but with the implication that Kara should try again.

“No,” Kara said quietly.

“I’m not sleeping very well.” She ran her hands up and down both of her legs, clasping them in her lap.

Cat took another sip, allowing Kara to add more to her answer.

Kara took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she spoke.

”I’m really not sure what is wrong Miss Grant.” She looked up. Cat sat patiently waiting.

“I feel fine. Except sometimes when I feel this sharp pain in my chest. But the doctors say I’m fully healed.” Kara looked nervously to Cat hoping she might interject and take over the conversation. But Cat continued to wait patiently for more.

“I’m tired actually. Most of the time. I’m also not that hungry. Which is actually pretty unusual for me,” Kara added with a slight snark to her tone.

“Why did you go out there today?” Cat asked, with a neutral tone.

“Well, Alex...-- Agent Danvers I mean.” Kara looked quickly for any sign her slip might have triggered something. But Cat took another small sip from her glass, with no change in her demeanor apparent.

Kara cleared her throat.

“Agent Danvers has been looking in on me. She felt that I should get out and fly a little.”

Cat lowered her glass slightly, and looking down into it swirled the liquid slowly within the inner sides.

“So you were _ordered_ to go out?” Cat asked.

“Oh no!” Kara answered quickly. “Alex would never.. I mean Agent Danvers did not order me to go out. In fact, she told me I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to.”

Cat had a slight look of contemplation as she considered Kara’s answers. She connected with Kara’s eyes for her next question.

“When did she say that? When you were first considering it? Or when you were just about to go out?”

Kara’s eyes were wide. She really didn’t like this line of questioning. “Miss Grant, really, Agent Danvers has been nothing but supportive. She genuinely worries about me. I think if she thought I wasn’t ready or might get hurt again she’d--”

“She’s afraid you’re going to get hurt?” Cat asked. Her stare was stern now; serious.

Kara paused. She didn’t know what to say or how to say it, but the last thing she wanted to do was give Miss Grant a bad impression of Alex.

“Well, yes. At least I think she does. I mean, I think she thinks--,” Kara’s mind was racing trying to turn the conversation in another direction. She paused trying to gather herself. “Miss Grant, please. It is very important to me that you not develop a bad impression of Agent Danvers. I don’t want to accidentally give you a bad impression of her or somehow blame something on her. She is very important to me.”

“I can tell,” Cat said evenly. Cat took another small sip of her glass without breaking her eye contact.

Kara’s heart was racing and she was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. “Miss Grant, I’m sorry but I’m really not feeling very well. I think it’s best if I went home now.”

Kara stood and started to walk deliberately toward the balcony glass door.

“Kara,” Cat said aloud.

Supergirl stopped on instinct, and closed her eyes cursing herself inwardly. She turned and tried to project a convincingly confused expression.

“Miss Grant, can we please not go into this again. I am not —“

“I’m done playing around with you Kara.” Cat said definitively. Supergirl swallowed feeling her resolve faltering, as Cat Grant rose from the couch and marched up to her, taking both of her hands.

Kara looked downward sheepishly, and couldn’t help the tears forming in her eyes.

“Look at me,” Cat said; and Kara shifted back as instructed.

“You almost died. For the last month I wasn’t entirely sure that you hadn’t, but I am not about to let another day go by with this particular wall of separation between us.”

Kara gazed downward, a smile forming despite the well of tears filling her eyes.

“Kara,” Cat said softly, but with authority.

The Girl of Steel swallowed and shifted back upward, trying her best to meet her older mentor as bravely as she could manage.

“You will _never_ do that to me again,” Cat declared. She paused only enough to be sure she had Kara’s full attention.

“Wherever you are taken, whoever takes you, or _looks in on you_. They will report to me immediately so I can avail myself in whatever way that you need. Do I make myself clear?”

Kara nodded.

“Good then,” Cat turned and walked passed Kara stopping at her large executive desk. She opened and starting sifting through a small silver box, pulling out one small white card from within. Kara followed slowly and stopped just behind.

“With that settled,” Cat began, double checking the card. She faced Supergirl, her expression turned back to her signature stare of disapproval.

“Your performance today was, how can I put this… substandard.” Cats critical gaze lingered for affect.

Kara swallowed. “Miss Grant, I know I’m a little rusty, but everything turned out okay. I’m sure my next time out will go much better. Plus I was thinking maybe I should come back to work? Maybe if I can write a new article—“

“Writing is not what you need right now,” Cat interrupted. She handed Kara the card.

“You need to talk to someone about what happened to you.”

Kara took the card but shook her head. “Miss Grant, I really don’t think that’s necessary, besides The DEO doctors are treating me quite well, and they’re already familiar with my physiology. I’m not even sure they would approve of an outside—“

“Do you really think I would hand you to someone as mundane as a government employee?” Cat rolled her eyes incredulously.

Kara retreated quickly trying not to offend. “No Miss Grant, I’m sure whoever you have in mind is really good,” _and probably really expensive_ Kara added in her own thoughts.

“But really, I think I just need to—“

“You will call that number or I will take you there myself,” Cat said.

Cat maneuvered around her desk and sat down as a sign the meeting was over.

Kara began to make her way to the balcony door but just before she was about to walk through, Cat spoke again without looking up. “I will be calling to insure an appointment has been set.”

Kara smiled.

“Good night Miss Grant.”


	10. J’onn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara returns home to find Alex in a sour mood. So she pays a visit to J’onn.

Supergirl stretched her arms out in front of her and rolled slightly to her side as she weaved and glided through the brightly lit skyline of the city. She wanted to take her time returning home, her mind trying to process her visit with Cat Grant.

The day hadn’t been at all what she had anticipated. She woke up this morning feeling lethargic, and the last thing she wanted to do was leave the house. But instead she had managed to get up, go to the DEO for a checkup, catch a bad guy, and get lectured by Cat Grant.

A rather typical day if she was being objective, even though it didn’t really feel like it was.

She was approaching a crossroads on where to go. So she angled herself upward pausing in midair, looking down at the traffic jammed roadways. The streets were filled with ordinary people ending their day and heading home, just as she was.

She shifted her attention out in front of her, and it occurred to her that she didn’t want to go to her own apartment at all. She wanted to go home.

And home was wherever Alex was.

She closed her eyes listening; searching for her. 

She smiled, locking onto the heartbeat that was her home. It was relaxed, and steady. And not far from here.

She opened her eyes and shot forward landing expertly a split second later on the outside of Alex’s balcony.

Kara opened the sliding glass door with normal human speed, which was almost agonizingly long since she really couldn’t wait to see Alex inside.

She stepped through but stopped, her smile instantly erased in reaction to the scene in front of her.

Alex was sitting on the couch still in her combat tactical uniform. She was leaning back with one leg outstretched and resting on the coffee table in front of her. The boots still on.

Right alongside her leg was a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels. She cradled a small rocks glass in both of her hands, that still held a sizable volume of whiskey within it.

Kara could smell the putrid alcoholic odor emanating from Alex’s breath from where she was standing. This was not her first glass of the evening by far.

Alex turned her head slowly in Kara’s direction. Her dark brown eyes were already bloodshot. Alex’s fixed expression was almost indifference, as she raised the glass to her lips taking a solid drink from its contents.

Kara looked confused. She didn’t understand at all why she was coming upon Alex in this state.

“Alex, what is wrong?” she said. “Why…” But she couldn’t help the sharp judgemental tone that escaped. Kara had plenty of experience with Alex in these historical but more infrequent bouts of drunken stupors. But this just didn’t make any sense to her. The day hadn’t been that bad. Unless this was somehow related to her own performance in the field.

Kara’s expression turned to a sudden realization of dread as she considered that she was somehow responsible for this situation.

“Alex, are you…. Is this because of me today? Did I get you into trouble or something?”

Alex shook her head and let out an incredulous laugh. “No Kara, _this_ time _it’s not about you_.” Alex paused as she allowed a judgmental glare to bore straight at Kara, her eyes narrowing for affect.

“But then I wouldn’t expect you to think anything otherwise because it’s always about you isn’t it.”

Kara’s forehead tightened realizing there was something really wrong here.

“What is it Alex; what happened?” She started forward to try and sit with Alex on the couch. But was met with Alex’s outstretched open palm signifying that she should halt.

“No Kara, just stop. I don’t need any sanctimonious crap from you right now.” Alex upended the glass finishing off the contents in one motion, and then stood up. She turned to round the edge of the couch but lost her footing slightly grabbing the arm of it to keep herself upright.

Kara stood motionless watching as Alex stumbled slightly to the kitchen placing the glass roughly on the counter next to the sink.

“Alex please,” Kara tried with an intentional softening of her tone. “Please tell me what is wrong.”

Alex turned and dramatically outstretched her arms. “I…. was suspended today! Apparently I am an ineffective field supervisor.”

Kara was dumbfounded. But before she could react at all Alex continued.

“I am... how did J’onn put it… no good to him or to you,” Alex said.

Kara shook her head defiantly. “You know that isn’t true. There has to be more to this. I’ll go talk with J’onn I’m sure—“

“No Kara,” Alex interjected. “I don’t need you or Winn, or anyone to go talk with J’onn. It won’t make any difference anyway.” Alex paused slightly.

“Besides, I have things I need to go do.”

Alex started to walk back toward the bedroom.

“Alex please don’t walk away like this,” Kara said, a little more angry than sympathetic.

“Stay or go Kara. I’m going to bed.”

Kara stood for only a few more seconds having been left alone in the room. She glanced to the balcony door and glared, turning fully in that direction.

* * *

  
Vasquez was monitoring the perimeter scopes when a preconfigured trigger lit up her screen.

She focused in on the signal and wasted no time in hitting the button connecting her to the director.

“Jones.” Was the curt response.

“Sir you wanted to be informed if Supergirl was detected enroute. Well there’s a contact inbound at just under supersonic that’s going to be here in less than 4 seconds.”

“Send her into my office Vasquez.”

“Yes sir,” Vasquez responded standing from her station and closing the channel. She turned and walked deliberately to the balcony landing.

But she didn’t quite reach the doors in time.

Supergirl landed hard on the outer platform, her legs crouched and her arms outstretched downward balancing her. One closed fist met the surface of the titanium plating; a now permanent indentation of her knuckles depressed into it.

The platform had been reinforced specifically for her landings, and she knew almost exactly how much impact it could withstand. Her landing thundered throughout the floor announcing her arrival. And she rose to stand upright slowly. She wanted her presence felt and the several expressions of alarm and surprise focused her direction convinced her she had succeeded in her dramatic entrance.

The doors slid open from Vasquez. She stopped and stood at military attention addressing the Girl of Steel formally.

“Ma’am, the Director would like to see you in his office”.

Supergirl glared at Vasquez, but held herself in check. Her argument was with J’onn and not anyone else.

She nodded stepping past the Agent marching deliberately down the center of the room. Vasquez fell in behind her.

Supergirls demeanor was angry, her fists balled walking past the Ops center and turning toward the hallway that would lead her to the Directors office. Several Agents turned watching her make her way through. Vasquez gestured to them, pushing her open palm in subtle downward motions as an indication they should return attention to their stations.

J’onn had felt the building shutter from Kara’s arrival, and watched the live security feeds as she was making her way to his office. He switched off the screen and rose to the coffee station against the wall. He picked up the hot carafe and tipped it into a hefty metal mug emblazoned with the DEO moniker. The sweet chocolate aroma from the cocoa rose deliciously from the mug. He turned it slightly and sighed. He didn’t mean to grab _this_ mug.

He’d had this mug since taking over for the real Hank Henshaw. It was going to be a shame to see it crushed into a clump of indistinguishable material after Kara took hold of it.

The door to his office opened and Vasquez stepped through quickly. “Director Jones, Supergirl is here to see you”. But Kara was already stepping past her and directly up to their commanding officer.

“Thank you Vasquez, that’ll be all,” the Director said. Supergirl was already standing directly in front of him hands on her hips, her head tipped back glaring upward into J’onn’s towering figure.

Vasquez nodded and closed the door gently behind her. She started to walk down the hallway, but could already hear the beginning of the altercation within.

“Alex is suspended?!!” Supergirl yelled angrily. 

J’onn held up the hot drink hoping it might alleviate the tension. “Hot cocoa Kara?”

J’onn offered.

Kara grabbed the mug and without hesitation crushed it sending the hot contents within shooting outward and over her blue covered arm. She thrust it to the floor where the impact cratered the cement embedding it’s hourglass like shape several inches deep.

J’onn sighed saying a silent farewell to what was once his favorite cup.

“Well,” he began, still looking downward at the mangled form of his poor coffee mug. He looked up and tried his best to project a pleasant tone.

“Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, would you like to take a seat?”

J’onn gestured to the chair in front of his desk only for a moment before he maneuvered around Kara and sat down clasping his hands in his lap in as unthreatening a manner as he could manage.

The Girl of Steel was seething. She stood rigid, crossing her arms glaring at her superior officer.

J’onn sat patiently waiting for Kara to begin the conversation.

Kara shook her head incredulously, “Where do you come off... how could you decide…what could Alex possibly have done to deserve—“

But J’onn had heard enough already.

“You seem to be under the mistaken impression that I owe you an explanation. I assure you that I do not,” J’onn interjected, his tone level but resolved.

Kara stared dumbfounded. “Are you serious?! You’re really going to sit there and tell me that I’m not—“

“Entitled to an explanation?” J’onn finished. Still keeping his tone as neutral as he could manage. “No Supergirl. You are not.”

Kara was dumbstruck. J’onn actually addressed her as “Supergirl” instead of her first name, as if this was somehow more formal in nature.

She paused. Attacking J’onn like this was a mistake. And it was already getting off on the wrong foot.

“J’onn, I…”

“Take a seat; Kara,” J’onn said.

Kara sat down slowly, smoothing out the red skirt over her legs. She looked up still angry but trying to control her impulses.

“Now,” J’onn said pausing for effect. “Shall we begin again?”

Kara bit her lip and nodded.

“Why don’t we start by you telling me what happened,” J’onn said.

Kara nodded again. “I got home. To Alex’s apartment just a little while ago.” She looked up to gauge J’onn’s reaction but he sat stoically waiting for her to continue.

Kara swallowed. “Alex was drinking. Already drunk from what I could tell. When I asked her what was wrong she yelled at me and said she had been suspended.”

Kara rechecked for a reaction from J’onn but his face still displayed no outward signs of confirmation at all.

“She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Well… she said something about being ineffective and no good to you or me.” Kara paused again trying to get a read on J’onn, who only continued to sit and listen attentively.

“I thought maybe it might’ve been because of me, with what happened at the bank robbery, but she yelled at me and stormed out of the room.”

“So you thought the best course of action was to fly over here, and shake the foundation of the building with a landing that could sink a Navy Destroyer?” J’onn asked.

“I don’t think it was that hard,” Kara said sheepishly looking down.

“Umm-hmm,” J’onn responded incredulously, cocking his mouth.

There was a long moment of silence as Kara re-evaluated her approach.

“I’m sorry J’onn,” Kara admitted. Her initial reaction was finally starting to subside and the embarrassment of her behavior was starting to take hold.

“I don’t know why I’m reacting that way,” she said aloud, but not necessarily to J’onn.

She looked up.

“I feel like I’m right at the edge of the glass you know? Like anything can tip me over.”

J’onn exhaled almost in relief. “That’s the first thing you’ve said that actually makes sense Kara.”

Her expression was surprise. Because she really didn’t understand why anything she was saying made any sense.

“Was it me J’onn?” Kara asked. “Did I cause this? Because if I did I promise I will be better. I’ll go to some remedial training; I’ll talk to someone. Just please don’t let anything I did affect Alex because she’s the best we have and the toughest, and the smartest and the—“

“Alex is not suspended Kara.”

Kara stopped suddenly, wide-eyed. J’onn smiled slightly, amused at Kara’s heartfelt defense of Alex.

“And nothing that is going on with Alex is a result of your performance or anything within your control.”

“Then why…?” Kara asked.

“Alex needs some time off to de-stress and try to come down from what happened to you both. She won’t take it on her own, so the decision was taken away from her.”

“So, she’s on vacation or something?” Kara asked.

“Well.. Alex is encouraged to separate from work for awhile. Try to occupy her thoughts and mind on things that can help her come down from this traumatic experience.”

“So it is because of me,” Kara said dejectedly. “If I hadn’t been hurt, Alex wouldn’t be in this trouble.”

J’onn had to hold back the sigh that was trying to escape. “Kara; Alex loves you more than life itself, and she almost lost you. And the issue isn’t resolved. You know that she needs to catch the bad guys, that she needs to bring the guilty to justice. But this is different. She’s teetering on the edge. She doesn’t know why anymore than you do. But she needs to come back from the edge and find a balance again. She can’t do that while working.”

“Well what can I do?” Kara asked. “How do I help her?”

“Shall we talk about you now?” J’onn asked sincerely.

Kara felt a cold chill up her spine with the change in focus.

“Okay..” Kara said hesitantly.

J’onn smiled, trying to keep from raising the anxiety projecting from the young woman in front of him.

“The doctors say that your physical injuries are healed,” J’onn stated. Kara nodded in affirmation.

“But you don’t seem very eager to jump back into the saddle.”

Kara’s expression was alarm. The last thing she wanted was for anyone, particularly J’onn to lose confidence in her.

“No no, I am. I want to get out and help people. I just don’t want to make any mistakes. I’m not sure what went wrong today. I should have just went in there and grabbed that guy. But I don’t know what I was thinking everything was moving so fast and the Officer seemed to know what we should do but then Alex—“

“You don’t have to rehash it Kara,” J’onn said. “It all ended up fine. And as you know these situations can take unexpected turns. It’s always good to be cautious, especially when there are lives at stake. But soldiers like us need to be able to jump into the action without hesitation when the need calls for it.”

Kara nodded. She mostly understood what J’onn was saying.

J’onn leaned forward with his elbows resting on the surface of the desk. “Kara, you are one of the bravest and fiercest individuals I have ever known. But your confidence comes mostly from your power and your inherent belief that you can kick the crap out of anyone on earth.”

Kara shrugged slightly, “Well, yeah, I suppose I don’t really think there’s too many people that can take me.”

“Including your own cousin,” J’onn chuckled. His tone turned more serious. “None of that has changed. You’re still the unbelievable powerhouse you’ve always been. But something is affecting your confidence. You need to figure out what that is before you can go back into the field.”

“You’re suspending me too?” Kara said with alarm.

J’onn laughed. “Kara, I don’t even pay you. So I can’t really suspend you. But again, Alex is not suspended and neither are you.”

J’onn shook his head incredulously. “I want you to go talk with someone. A professional. We can provide some options for you to choose from.”

Kara thought for a moment and produced the card that Cat Grant had given her. “Miss Grant said the same thing to me today. She gave me this card.”

J’onn nodded. “I’m sure anyone Cat Grant has in mind would be a good recommendation Kara. Are you going to call them?”

Kara nodded. “Yes, I will. Thank you J’onn.”

Kara stood and J’onn stood as well. She smiled and turned starting to walk from the room when her toe connected with the embedded clump of crushed metal protruding from the floor.

She suddenly realized, “Oh my gosh! That was your favorite cup wasn’t it??!” J’onn pursed his lips and cocked his chin slightly. 

“I’m so sorry J’onn, I’m really really sorry—“

“Kara it’s alright,” J’onn interjected. "Just please go call that number before you get anywhere near my car.”

Kara grinned and nodded. She turned and opened the door stepping through but stopped remembering one more thing.

“Oh by the way. Umm.. Cat Grant knows that I’m Supergirl. 

Bye!”

And before J’onn could respond she closed the door and sped from the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People often have a different take or perspective on a conversation, particularly when it’s taken as critical or as a reprimand. I think we all have this tendency to put up a shield and become defensive. It sometimes takes a lot to take a step back and try to see things differently. I imagine it’s even worse if one is suffering from post traumatic stress, anxiety, or even depression.


	11. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara makes her visit to see the psychologist Cat Grant recommended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I’m very sorry for the long delay in an update. The business of the Holiday Season didn’t allow for much downtime. But I did manage to jot down a little here and there and I’ve even been working ahead a little as the story is coming together.  
> Also, I wrote for this years Kalex Secret Santa. So if you have a spare moment let me know what you think about “Darts & Mistletoe.” Fans of Sara Lance might enjoy it.
> 
> As for this chapter, I’d like to admit that I am not a therapist. Nor do I know any, or have any inherent knowledge on the practice. The exchange is just how I might imagine it happening. So if there are therapists in the fandom, I welcome your comments or feedback.

The Therapist sat at her desk preparing for the upcoming session. The surface was clean and organized, and she had already insured she had cleared the rest of the room of distractions or clutter. The white couch soft and inviting. And while dark brown leather couches looked nice in a professional setting like this, over time she found that her patients tended to sit closer to the edge of the stiff cushions and look more eager to leave. She had far more success with the softer synthetic fabrics, which warmed faster and put her patients at ease.

Adjacent to the couch was her own tall-backed, tufted leather wing-chair. She preferred a stiffer chair for herself so it was easier to move from it if necessary. It also helped to give her office a more formal look.

She had a clear vase of water and glasses prepared and a couple of throw pillows on the far side of the couch.

She looked at her watch which indicated the patient could arrive at any time now. There were no clocks on the walls of the office. She never wanted her patients to feel rushed or running out of time. It was up to her to determine the pace anyway. Sometimes it was necessary for sessions to run short or long. But anxiety felt over time allotted was nothing she wanted to pass on to her patients.

She looked around her small office satisfied that it was in order and ready for a new patient. And she realized she normally didn’t act this way, or worry about such things. She reached forward and straightened the heavy black fountain pen on her desk next to the leather-bound notebook. She was starting a new one for this session, although she wasn’t sure why. And then it occurred to her that she herself was _nervous_.

She thumbed through her notes she had collected in preparation. Cat Grant had called and told her to expect the appointment; ( _and also instructed to inform her if it did not come by the weeks end._ ) She also warned her that the government might get involved and try to insist on conditions, like preferences for a location, and that she strongly urged her not to give in to any such demands; that the patient needed to be seen outside and unconnected from the workplace, no matter any reasons given.

She agreed with that entirely. If Cat’s referral was who she was expecting, this was going to be a very special case.

What she did agree to was that her office would be clear of any support staff for the day, and that the government was free to observe from the neighborhood, but not from anywhere within her building. And none of them were to accompany the patient at all.

She thumbed through the pictures Miss Grant had sent her of the patient. There were several and most were of a vibrant young woman with golden blond hair and an infectiously sunny disposition. She was smiling brightly in several, most of which were closeups of her face.

She studied every line and curvature of the patient's face. And her eyes, which were the gateway into this woman. Happiness in the smiles. Confidence and determination in the scenes where she was in action. Triumph in victory shaking the hands of first responders.

She turned more of the pages and pulled up the fairly recent ones. Standing brave and confident in front of a lectern on the steps of the civic center. The Presidential address from a few weeks back.

She held the picture up closer comparing the woman’s face to that of the most recent picture from just yesterday, during a bank robbery. The former looked like she was an impregnable wall, ready to withstand anything coming.

She shifted studying the face of the most recent picture. The eyes didn’t have that determination and sparkle. There was nervousness and apprehension. She flipped to another where she appeared to be concentrating on a message coming into her ear. The expression was serious. She appeared to be focusing on words being spoken to her. She flipped the picture to another that could only have been a moment later. The eyes were wide, concerned, even fearful.

She thumbed through several others landing on one at the end of the altercation, where she was standing outside and facing a police officer with his hand on her shoulder. Instead of being congratulatory, this exchange seemed more like... reassurance. And the hero’s expression was more of relief than triumph.

She picked up the other stack of pictures from the previous incident where the woman had been injured. Close ups of the broken lectern, her body laying bleeding along the broken rubble. The last was of another woman in black tactical gear leaping into the ambulance as the doors were swinging closed. 

These pictures had a familiar signature to them. She recognized the technique of the photographer.

She checked her watch again and looked to the door. It was certainly unusual to book a patient on such short notice. But Cat was very insistent. And after a brief summary and description of the subject, there really was no other choice than to clear her schedule and make room for this case.

She decided to open the door and leave it open to be more inviting. So she stood and smoothed her slacks walking to the door and grasped the knob turning it. She opened the door normally but was slightly startled at the young woman standing just on the other side.

“Oh! Hello,” she said, but quickly forced a smile into her greeting.

The young woman stood apprehensively with her hands clasped in front of her. She wasn’t clad as the Therapist expected. Instead of her signature uniform and cape, she was cloaked in a soft colored baby blue robe of a style she’d really never seen before. It was very elegant, and had the effect of drawing more attention to the woman’s face and hair. High on the left side near her shoulder the familiar S shaped symbol was embossed very subtly into the fabric, leaving no doubt of the woman’s identity. She appeared somewhat startled herself at the unexpected opening of the door.

“Hello,” Kara smiled trying to resist the shyness overtaking her. 

“Please come in,” the Therapist invited, stepping to the side and widening the doorway.

Kara stepped forward keeping her hands clasped in front of her. She moved into the center of the office looking around and taking it in. The Therapist closed the door and walked back to her desk, collecting her notes and pictures and putting them back into the file she had started.

Kara found herself walking to a large ornately framed document displayed on the wall.

_Kelly Olsen_

_Doctor of Psychology_

“Please sit down and make yourself comfortable,” the Therapist said gesturing toward the couch.

Kara turned around nervously and moved to the very center of the couch, sitting down slowly on the very edge of the cushion. She kept her knees together resting her hands in her lap. 

“Would you like anything to drink? Water or Tea?” The Therapist asked. 

Kara shook her head. “No thank you.” She said politely.

The Therapist acknowledged with a slight nod and walked over to her arm chair with her notebook in hand. She placed it on the small table to the side of the chair.

“Well,” she began enthusiastically. “It’s very nice to meet you miss….?”

“Oh!” Kara blurted out involuntarily, unsure of the answer. “I thought you knew. I’m.. well, I’m Supergirl.” Kara cocked her lips in a shrug. “Well that’s what most people call me anyway.”

The Therapist smiled pausing. “Yes, I certainly recognize your well known crest on your robe. That is just beautiful by the way. Is it a native garment from where you are from?”

Kara nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, it’s one of the few things I still have from home.”

“Well, while am sure you answer very regularly to your popular alter ego, we should probably get to know each other a little more formally don’t you think?”

Kara nodded as if she were being instructed in class again. “Oh yes of course, I’m sorry. My name is Kara.”

“Kara Zor-El,” she clarified.

Kelly paused smiling softly. “That is a very pretty name. And I’m sure it was your given name?”

Before Kara could answer she continued.

“But I think it would help me to know more about who you are here; on earth. I can’t help you if you don’t trust me, and I assure you, I am here to help you.”

“So let’s try again,” Kelly said with a playful wink. “My name is Dr. Kelly Olsen. I’m a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma.”

“And you are?” Kelly asked warmly as if it were for the first time.

Kara smiled almost embarrassingly looking down into her lap.

“My name is Kara Danvers,” she said looking up. 

Kelly beamed. “Of course you are,” she said. “I’m so very glad to meet you Kara. I’ve heard many great things about you from my brother.”

Kara was now visibly nervous. It seemed she was already at a disadvantage and it really unnerved her.

“I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” she said preparing to get up.

Kelly leaned forward forcing Kara to look directly into her eyes.

“I think right now you’re probably thinking it isn’t a good idea for you to have a Therapist that already knows some things about you, or is related to a close friend of yours.”

Kara’s expression was very apprehensive, and her eyes told Kelly that was exactly what was wrong.

“But let me offer this,” Kelly continued. She lowered her voice speaking softly as if she might be sharing a closely guarded secret.

“I really don’t know you as closely as you might think. I only know **_of_ ** Kara Danvers, a close friend and colleague of my brothers. And the only thing I know about Supergirl is what I see on the television and in the papers, just like everyone else.” She paused for a moment satisfied that Kara seemed to be listening.

“I think Cat Grant sent you to me because she knows how important it is for your identity to be protected. I’ve worked with her for many years and we have a trust. I suspect you and she also have a deep trust.”

Kelly paused a moment allowing her words to sink in. Kara was still connected to her and hadn’t looked away. Her body language was still rigidly nervous, but her shoulders seemed to relax just a little.

“Since Cat Grant is someone we can both agree is fiercely protective of her charges, I think we can also be confident we are both exactly where we are supposed to be right now.”

Kara nodded timidly. She took a slow deep breath and exhaled just as slowly.

Kelly rose walking to the buffet table. She poured two cups of hot tea. The aroma immediately began filling the small office. She walked back and reached out to hand Kara her cup, which she instinctively grabbed hold of, raising it to her nose and breathing in the soft aroma.

Kelly sat down in her chair again, taking a sip from her cup.

Kara took a sip as well and held the warm cup close to her face with both hands.

“Well,” Kelly began again. “Tell me Kara, how are you feeling?”

Kara looked over the rim of her cup nervously wondering what the answer to that question should be. What was the Therapist expecting of her? Was she supposed to answer that nothing was wrong and she was ready to take on the whole Daximite fleet? Or was she supposed to admit that there was something holding her back and she didn’t know what that is..

The long pause in Kara’s response gave Kelly an idea on where they were to begin. Particularly with Kara’s obvious struggle with how to answer that question.

“Miss Grant told me you looked tired. That you hadn’t been sleeping well. And that she knew you well enough to recognize a noticeable change in demeanor.”

Kara’s expression confirmed Kelly’s initial assessment passed on by Cat Grant.

“So let’s start there,” Kelly suggested.

Kara took a short sip of her tea giving herself something to swallow. 

“That is true, Dr. Olsen. I haven’t been sleeping well at all. And actually I really haven’t been feeling like myself since…” 

There was a silence as Kara struggled with the right words to complete her thought.

“Since you were injured?” Kelly finished for her.

Kara nodded.

“Is that the first time you’ve ever been injured? The only time?” Kelly asked.

Kara shook her head. “No, I’ve been injured before. I’ve gone up against some formidable opponents. I even got my ass—- sorry, my tail handed to me in a cage match one time.”

Kelly chuckled. “There’s no need for you to watch your tone or language with me Kara. I want you to speak freely and unhindered. Tell me whatever comes to your mind in whatever way it comes. Don’t concentrate on clarifying or sanitizing the words. Let me take care of digesting it. What’s important is that you answer honestly and openly. Does that make sense?”

Kara nodded. “Okay, thank you.” There was a noticeable relief and some amount of relaxing from Kelly having taken away some of the anxiety in the conversation.

“But I don’t really require that much sleep,” Kara offered as a defense. “So I’m not sure it’s really much of a problem.”

“Your people don’t sleep where you are from?” Kelly asked. “You don’t require rest?”

Kara realized she was overstating somewhat. “Well, yes. Back on Krypton I would sleep very similarly to what humans require here on earth.”

Kelly look puzzled. “Your powers remove the necessity of rest? Of rejuvenation?”

“Nnn...no.” Kara answered nervously. “I still benefit from rest.” She thought on the question sincerely.

“In fact, if I overextend myself, I deplete the solar radiation absorbed by my cells. When that happens I effectively lose my powers.”

“I essentially become almost human,” Kara said meekly.

“You say that as if it is a weakness,” Kelly said. It was a leading question, and Kara recognized it as such.

 _She’s baiting me somehow,_ Kara thought to herself. _What is she trying to get me to admit.._

“There is nothing weak at all that I see in humans Dr. Olsen,” Kara said. “In fact, some my closest friends and family are among the strongest and bravest individuals I have ever met or encountered.”

Kelly smiled in acknowledgement. “Like your cousin perhaps?”

“No I wasn’t talking about my cousin,” Kara said with noticeable irritation.

“Kara,” Kelly said softly. “I’m not trying to imply anything. My questions aren’t entrapping you in any way.”

Kara softened at that. “Well, I certainly admire and appreciate what Kal-El has accomplished. But I didn’t grow up with him. And I don’t often get the chance to work with him. So I don’t _really_ know him all that well.”

“I see.” Kelly considered that answer for a moment. “You did not reunite with your cousin and live with him when you arrived?”

“No,” Kara answered flatly.

Kelly decided to shelve that subject for the time being.

She noticed that Kara kept occasionally glancing to the back and sides of the couch, as if something might be there for her to grab hold of.

“I take it you were attacked with something that you are vulnerable to,” Kelly stated, attempting to explore what exactly could have injured this woman.

Kara nodded.

“Did someone create it? Is it a weapon of some kind?”

“It’s actually pieces of my home world that have traveled here through space. It appears to be toxic to me here, and someone weaponized it against me.”

“I see,” Kelly said. “Is it common?”

Kara shook her head. “No. It’s very rare, particularly in large quantities. And the government actively collects it for safekeeping.”

“Is it the only known substance you are vulnerable to?”

Kara looked up with hesitation, but was satisfied with the compassion and professionalism in the Therapists face.

“As far as I know,” she answered. “Aside from human emotions anyway.”

“I’m sorry?” Kelly asked confused.

Kara looked alarmed realizing she’d tripped on another alien inconsistency. “Matters of the heart?”

Kelly nodded smiling. “Of course,” she said. “I expect that matters of the heart traverse more than just this world don’t they?”

Kara smiled looking down.

“And we are all susceptible to those,” she added.

Kelly decided to continue to explore this avenue. “Are you afraid of being hurt again? Being exposed to this kind of weapon again?”

“I’m not sure,” Kara said. “I don’t think so. And I think it’s unlikely that I would encounter it again in this way. Plus Alex put this plate in my suit so it would protect me.”

“Alex?”

“Oh she’s my sis— actually..” Kara paused. “Alex is my bondmate.”

Kelly smiled. “Tell me about her.”

There was a glow that almost radiated from Kara as she began to describe everything about Alex. How she accepted her into the family, tutored her on earth customs and functioning as an American teenager, and protected her fiercely.

She became her best friend and confidant. She was so different from most humans in her analytical approach to subjects. Kara was sure she was going to be a great doctor. And she was. But she had blended her scientific talents with pursuing a career with the DEO where she could continue to watch over Kara and understand the reality and existence of extraterrestrials. Alex devoted her life to Kara, which sounded like an obligation, but was later realized to be out of love and devotion.

“She is everything to me,” Kara said. “I felt so alone and abandoned when I first got here. But Alex became a home to me.”

Kara closed her eyes. A calm serenity was projecting from her as she smiled. Kelly observed her with curious fascination. 

“If I concentrate, I can focus in on her heartbeat,” Kara said softly.

“That’s an interesting ability.” Kelly said. “You can hear her among hundreds? Thousands?”

Kara opened her eyes. “I can’t do it with _just anyone_. Most heartbeats are just a jumbled mess. But I can find Alex because I spent so much of my initial time wrapped in her arms with my head against her chest. Everything was so loud. But she helped me quiet the noise and tune it all out.”

Kara paused looking directly at the therapist. 

“The Danvers family took me in when I was 12 years old and an orphan on a strange Alien world. I hadn’t immediately developed powers because my cells needed time to adapt and absorb the radiation. I think my cousin knew that and knew what I was going to go through very soon. I think he felt that the Danvers’ were better suited at helping me through that part of my development.”

_There_ , Kara thought to herself. _Maybe for once I didn’t come across as an abandoned child…_

“So they taught you how to use your powers? Prepared you to become a hero?”

Kara looked into the eyes of the Therapist trying to decide how to answer.

“Not really. They taught me _about_ my abilities. But I was instructed to hide them. To control them and not use them at all. I was told my family had enemies known even to this planet, and they would hunt me if they knew I had survived.”

Kara paused.

“I only exposed myself and became supergirl to stop a plane from crashing,” Kara said.

Kelly thought for a moment. “The plane that landed in the Hudson River?”

Kara shook her head.

“No, that was in New York. This one was a couple of years ago in National City.”

Kelly considered this information.

“There must have been many opportunities for you to have showcased your talents throughout the years. Altercations, accidents, car crashes.. you never intervened before?”

Kara swallowed. “Miss Grant also asked me that question when I first met her. And the truth is I did slip up once in awhile and pull someone from a car or stop a fight. Or even start one..” Kara said sheepishly. “But most of the time Alex was able to cover for me somehow, or there wasn’t any noticeable witnesses.”

“What made that circumstance different that time then? Proximity? Urgency?” Kelly asked.

Kara didn’t hesitate at all.

“Alex was on that plane.”


	12. Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex begins her search for the woman from Kara's date.  
> Kara continues her session with Kelly Olsen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are quite a few writers in the fandom that are with me, because I read your works as well. And I thank all of you for supporting me and each other. I don't know how many of you follow or subscribe to AO3 FB and various tumblr accounts that are geared for AO3 writers, but I joined a few awhile ago when I started doing this and wanted to try and understand the readership more. I've seen quite a few posts from writers (of various skill levels) talk about the comments they receive and how they should interpret them. Some subjects posted are harsh, some are critical, and some are constructive, but the writers somehow have a hard time interpreting it that way.  
> One I follow is https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/  
> The admin/owner has some very good responses to the writers that come in. I've chimed in myself a few times to lend support.  
> I just want to say that I appreciate the feedback you all give me. It makes this an enjoyable pass time.

Alex unlocked the door to Kara’s apartment and pushed it open entering quietly. She really wasn’t sure why she was being so careful and quiet. But she felt more like an intruder than a welcome family member.

She’d left her own apartment only a short time ago. Kara was asleep, or at least she pretended as if she was. Just as Alex had done herself when Kara eventually came in from wherever it was she went to. She shook her head involuntarily at the thought. It was stupid to have taken her frustrations out on Kara. She only hoped Kara didn’t read too much into it. She would make it up to her later.

After she found this female assassin and put an end to the threat on Kara’s life.

She sighed as she gazed around the apartment. It looked just as it did yesterday when she came to get Kara some clothes. But it felt stale somehow. Abandoned.

No matter. She wasn’t here to hang out or collect clothes for Kara. She needed to track down that woman; only she couldn’t remember her whole name. She remembered the woman had given Kara a business card with a phone number. It wasn’t in Kara’s purse, so it had to be here somewhere.

She walked to the refrigerator and scanned the various articles attached to the doors. There were notes and pictures. And magnets with their favorite take-out haunts. But no business cards that she could see. She started opening drawers in the kitchen and sifted through the “junk drawer” packed with pens, post-it pads, and batteries. Still nothing.

She looked around the room for likely places and decided to walk to the standing rack where Kara kept her clothes. There were a couple of small tables nearby. She looked to the surfaces and under each one. She was trying to imagine where Kara might have used the card last, and then it occurred to her she should have just checked Kara’s phone for the number.

She cursed herself inwardly. She still wasn’t thinking straight as an investigator. She crossed her arms looking around the studio apartment trying to identify a likely place. She walked to the other side and into Kara’s bedroom.

The bed still lay in broken disarray; a bedpost protruding from the wall. She made a mental note to call the DEO and have Facilities come to the apartment and put things back in order. Protecting Kara’s identity was a legitimate DEO expense, and erasing this evidence fell well and appropriately in line with fixing Kara’s bedroom.

She stepped over the debris and made her way to the end table that would have been on Kara’s preferred side of the bed. A small drawer with a single knob was still in place. She swallowed realizing she had been looking in all the wrong places for this card. It wasn’t like the woman was a business contact.

It was a date, whether Alex had a tough time with that fact or not.

Kara had been intimate with this woman.

She reached for the knob pulling the drawer open.

There weren’t very many items inside. An old glasses case she probably rarely used, a pen and pad. A flashlight. There was also a small votive candle, but no matches., Not that Kara would need any.

There also was a small white business card. She took it out and held it up for inspection.

_Freelance Security, Starling City Sara Lance._

(555)867-5309

Alex took out her phone and snapped a scan of the card, saving the details into her own contact information. Then she returned the card to the nightstand drawer.

She walked out to the front room again and dialed a number holding it close to her ear.

“Hello, Assistant Director Danvers, what can I do for you?” Winn drawled on the other end playfully emphasizing Alex’s title.

“Winn, I need you to run a number and tell me everything you can dig up _on a Sara Lance_ from Starling City. Mid to late 20’s, blonde hair. But more importantly, whether the number is active and you can get a location on the phone.”

“Am I going to get in trouble for this?” Winn said as Alex could hear the clicking of his keyboard on the other side of the line.

“Winn—“

“Yeah yeah, I’m just yanking your chain. Hold on a second,” he said. And Alex could tell he was concentrating.”

“Well that’s interesting,” he said after a few moments.

“What?” Alex said impatiently. The last thing she wanted was an untraceable alias. But it wouldn’t matter if he could lock in a location.

“Well, there are records of a Sara Lance fitting that description in Starling City,” Winn said. His tone suggested he was still studying the material in front of him. Alex waited for more clarification.

“I can only find one reference Alex,” Winn said.

“That’s good right?” Alex said. “More likely we have the right match.”

“Well yeah it would be,” Winn said. “Except this Sara Lance is dead.”

“What?”Alex said, now realizing it was a fake identity after all.

“Yes, she died about eight years ago in a boat sinking.”

Alex sighed in exasperation. “It would have been too convenient to be dealing with a real person,” she said. “But in a way it helps confirm our theory. If this woman stole an identity, it’s all that much more likely she’s our shooter.”

“You mean _your_ theory,” Winn returned. “I’m still not buying it.”

“Whoa…” Winn exclaimed on the other end.

“What; what is it?” Alex said.

“Alex, I don’t think this is a case of stolen identity,” Winn said. 

Alex was about to badger Winn into explaining what he was going on about when her phone dinged with the arrival of a text message.”

Staring right at her in the thread was a driver’s license picture of the woman who had drowned. It was absolutely the same woman.

“Do you have a fix on the phone Winn?” Alex said pointedly.

There was some noticeable clicking on the other end while she waited for an answer.

“The phone is active. Its identifier has been received by several cell towers.” Winn said.

“Alright then.” Alex silently prepared herself for the information forthcoming. “Where is she.”

Winn agonized on the other end. He stared at the collated logging he’d downloaded from every cell tower in the area. The MIN identifier showed a pattern of a particular section of the city, and the most recent active ping was within the last hour. He’d already fed the cell towers location into his terminal and was looking at the exact location of its last connection.

“Alex, if I give this to you, you need to promise me you’re not going to rush in and do anything we both might regret. We _do not know_ that this person shot Kara.”

Alex closed her eyes and took a breath fighting her instinct to yell and threaten Winn from over the phone.

“I am chasing the one lead we have Winn. I only want to put an end to this threat against Kara. If she’s our shooter, I’m sure she’s not going to be interested in discussing it with me when I catch up to her.”

Alex wasn’t sure if that answer was quite reserved enough for Winn. But she hoped it was enough to get her what she needed.

Her phone dinged with the arrival of the address to her messages app.

She smiled, both in gratitude and anticipation. “Thank you Winn.”

“Be careful Alex,” Winn said.

* * *

“Kara, I’d like to talk with you about the circumstances around when you were injured,” the therapist said.

“Alright” Kara said bravely. She was determined to let Supergirl emerge through this cloud of anxiety and show Dr. Olsen who she really was.

“I’ve seen some footage of the event. You appeared to have landed to shield the President from an active shooter.”

“That’s correct.” Kara confirmed. “When the shots were fired, the entire event went into preplanned lockdown mode. _My_ role was to protect the President.”

“So you were to become a _human shield_ for the President in the event of a threat,” Kelly said, to clarify the remark.

“Well,” Kara backtracked. “Not exactly. I was hovering above, where I could observe the entire area and respond quickly.”

“So you didn’t have pre-assigned orders then. You were.. free to respond as you yourself decided?” Kelly asked.

Kara thought for a moment. “There were several agencies involved. I’m not as clear about the command structure as Alex is. But—“

“Alex, your foster sister?” Kelly interjected.

“Yes, _Alex my bondmate_ ,” Kara answered with emphasis.

Kelly paused at the distinction.

Kara furrowed her brow at the interruption. “I don’t think I referred to Alex as my foster sister Dr. Olsen.”

Kelly smiled in a diffusing way. “Kara, you started to describe her earlier as what I can only assume was your _sister_ before changing direction. You’ve already told me you were taken in by the Danvers family. So I’m sorry if I jumped to a conclusion. I don’t know what a “ _bondmate_ ” is yet, in your context. So I’m only trying to stay clear on the specifics. I assure you I meant no offense.”

Kara nodded, seemingly satisfied.

“Let’s get back to the event,” Kelly said. “There were several agencies involved and Alex is there.” 

Kara nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you know any of the other agencies involved?” Kelly asked.

Kara thought for a moment. “There was the Secret Service. I think because the whole thing involved the President. I think there were FBI agents as well. Also some local police officers. They were helping with security around the quad. And also the agency I work with.”

“Which one is that?” Kelly asked.

“Umm, the one that Alex also works for. It’s called the DEO; Department of Extranormal Operations.”

“Okay,” Kelly said absorbing this. Being ex-military she was more than familiar with the details that surrounded the President. But this was the first time she’d ever heard of a _DEO_.

“What is generally your role in this agency?” Kelly asked.

Kara shrugged. “I’m the muscle I guess,” she answered. “Our mandate is to respond to Alien threats.”

“I take it that is the extraterrestrial version?” Kelly said.

“Yes,” Kara said amused. There’s another agency that handles the terrestrial aliens.”

“Okay,” Kelly refocused. “So, you are a _soldier_ resource for this, DEO.” 

Kara nodded. “Yes. I started working with them after I stopped Alex’s plane crash and effectively became Supergirl.”

“They recruited you?” Kelly asked.

“Not exactly.” Kara said with a slight grin. “More like… captured me.”

Before Kelly could ask another question Kara expanded.

“It was Alex actually. She and her team caught me. Shot me out of the sky,” Kara recalled. Her eyes dropped and her voice wavered recalling the event. “I woke up in restraints with her at my bedside.” Kara paused briefly reliving the incident in her memory. She looked back up.

“It was a very tough day between Alex and I because she had kept that part of her life from me.”

“You didn’t know she was part of the DEO,” Kelly said confirming.

“No. All I knew was she worked in a lab of some kind. But I didn’t know too much about what she did at the time,” Kara said.

Kelly thought for a moment. “Alex was in operational command of the DEO resources at the event correct?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Kara answered. “When the shooting occurred, it was Alex that coordinated the DEO teams in their response.”

“Including you I take it,” Kelly said. “She ordered you to respond to the President? To protect her?”

“Yes,” Kara said. There was a nervousness that crept back into her voice.

“Why do you suppose she kept her employment at the DEO from you?” Kelly asked. “And I’m not asking what she might have _told_ you. I’m asking you what you _think_ ,” Kelly said.

Kara thought for a moment. “Well, I don’t think she was allowed to tell me. To tell anyone. Even Eliza didn’t know,” Kara said.

Kelly looked skeptically at Kara. “But that’s not what you _think_ ; is it,” she said.

“No,” Kara admitted. “Alex has been protecting me her whole life.” She paused before continuing. She was serious in her next answer.

“Alex knew I wasn’t allowed to use my powers. And no one wanted me to adopt a life like my cousins. She joined the DEO to protect me.”

Kelly took a sip from her cup to allow her a moment to form some thoughts.

“You mentioned earlier that Alex was on the plane that you prevented from crashing,” Kelly said.

Kara nodded sipping herself, but her eyes betrayed some nervousness at Kelly’s remark.

“That had to be in stark contrast to what Alex and her family had been trying to accomplish with you. How did she take it?”

Kara swallowed and hesitated. “Not well. But only at first. I mean, I was so excited. I felt like I had been reborn that night. I hadn’t flown in a very long time and at first I wasn’t even sure I could do it. And that was all on the heels of a very bad blind date. But I made it home and I had changed into dry clothes, and I was sitting in front of the tv watching the news coverage of the incident. Then Alex came in and all I wanted to do was jump around the room with her because I was so excited.”

Kelly cocked her chin slightly with a skeptical concern. “But she wasn’t excited was she.”

“No,” Kara said. “She was furious actually. I couldn’t understand why.” 

Kara stopped. She was looking off to the side recalling it all in her memory. Kelly sat patiently allowing Kara to organize her thoughts.

When Kara had worked herself through it she looked back to the therapist.

“I tried to get started anyway, even without Alex’s support. But I really made a mess of things. And I almost quit and gave it up. But somehow Alex saw enough in me and changed her mind. We needed to stop Vartox, and I wasn’t sure I could do it. But Alex said to me; 

It’s why I was sent here. She said she believed that now, and that I had to believe it too.”

Kelly gave Kara a very reassuring look as if she wasn’t surprised at all with how the events unfolded.

“What did you tell her after all of that?” Kelly asked.

Kara’s eyes watered at the recollection. Her lips quivered as she tried to answer the question.

“I told her I needed her faith more than anyone else.”


	13. Stakeout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and James try to locate Sara Lance

“Aren’t we wasting time?” James said impatiently. They had been seated in the car for over two hours watching the entrance to the Four Seasons hotel.

“Patience,” Maggie said, not moving her head from the direction of the hotel.

James sighed looking outside the car window. He scanned the sidewalks searching for any blond haired woman approaching their hotel entrance.

“I don’t understand why we don’t just go in there and flash a badge and find out if she’s still here or not,” James said.

Maggie still kept focused in the direction of her surveillance. “Because this woman is smart James. She’ll check the front desk for messages or inquiries. And then she’ll be gone and we will have lost our chance to pin her.”

James shook his head. “How do we even know that she’s still here.”

Maggie allowed herself to look sideways. “Look,” she began. “I know reporters are all about jumping in with their notepads and cameras. But _actual_ police work takes some finesse.”

James crossed his arms sighing. “I never saw finesse in _Lethal Weapon_ or _Dragnet_.”

“That’s because they solve cases within an hour and 20 minutes that include commercial breaks,” Maggie retorted with a noticeable snark.

She raised a very small set of binoculars to her eyes returning her focus to the hotel.

“We already know she was staying here. And she seems the kind of person that likes her luxury room accommodations.”

“But wouldn’t she move on? Move around? Try to lay low?” James asked.

Maggie shook her head. “I don’t think so. If you’re right, and she’s here hunting the same shooter we are, then she doesn’t have any reason to hide and keep moving, unless the hunt takes her elsewhere. And it might have already. We won’t know until we’ve exhausted this lead first. But we will have blown it if _we’re made_ before we even get started.”

James let out a noticeably exasperated sigh. “Alex is bound to catch up to us very soon. We have to get to this woman before she does Maggie. If Alex kills her there is no recovering from this.”

He shook his head. “How can anyone afford to stay in a place like this for three weeks anyway,” he said. “I don’t do too bad, but I think I’d be broke within a week and half.”

Maggie kept scanning the sidewalks noting each woman approaching. “Something tells me money isn’t an obstacle with this chick,” she said. “Winn said she took Kara on the night of her life, and shared a bottle of _Scarecrow_ at Granville’s.”

James turned, looking confused. 

Maggie met his look with an incredulous cock of her eyebrow. “That’s a $1200 bottle of wine James. And Kara probably would have been satisfied with _Charles Shaw_.”

She returned her attention to the binoculars.”

“Okay, so she has expensive taste. Why is that important?” James asked, trying to understand.

“It isn’t important per-say,” Maggie said absently. “But _one does not simply_ drop that kind of coin on a first date unless money really is no object.” She paused smiling. 

“Although... if it had been me instead of Kara,” Maggie smirked while still holding the scope. “Well, let’s just say that woman would’ve gotten the ride of her life after enjoying that bottle.”

James’ expression turned amused. “I didn’t think you were a wine person Maggie,” he said. “I always figured you for bourbon.”

Maggie shrugged. “True. But Miner, Screaming Eagle, Scarecrow?” She grinned widely, still focusing through the scope. “I’d have to be a fool to turn any of that down.”

“Anyway,” Maggie said, continuing. “I don’t think money is a problem for this woman. And since she’s not the shooter, it stands to reason that she’s focusing her efforts on hunting rather than her next bedroom.”

* * *

Sara sipped at her coffee from the outside table of the Starbucks chain near her Hotel. She raised the palm sized spotting scope to her eye with a dip of her chin as if rubbing her temple. The two people sitting in the silver BMW were still there, very obviously staking out the Hotel Entrance.

She had decided to grab a coffee after spotting three occupied vehicles outside the hotel, just to be sure. Two of them had picked up people and left. The remaining one had 2 people inside and was still here.

That was an hour and half ago.

The car had normal plates, and nothing to suggest it was government or police. She took another sip and allowed herself a few seconds of peering through the scope into the back of the car. She managed to catch a side profile of the woman in the front passenger seat as she turned her head speaking with the man seated as the driver.

Dark hair, hispanic. 

_Sawyer_ , came to mind. But even if it was her, why would the Danvers sister’s-ex be staking out the hotel.

Sara didn’t know much about her. But she was aware she was a police officer in town. A _detective_ , more precisely.

The man was large. Dark skinned. She pulled out her phone and pulled up Catco’s website, moving to the page showcasing the senior staff. James Olsen’s profile picture displayed a dashing and charismatic figure. It was unmistakably the same person in the car.

She sipped again contemplating. Two known close associates of Kara Danvers staking out her hotel. One a career journalist and the other a police detective. The only explanation was that they were looking for _her_. 

She closed her phone returning her attention to the BMW. She considered all the ways in which she could have come to their attention. The only one being her date with Kara. 

She narrowed her eyes at the thought. It made sense that they might be following up on any lead related to the shooting. And she had been a very recent relation to Kara ahead of the incident. But hardly a viable suspect. Unless they had something more. Something placing her at the scene.

She looked farther down each direction of the street, searching for vans or other vehicles capable of hiding a tac-team. There was nothing like that outside of the perimeter she could see. Which suggested this was more of an initial reconnaissance, and less likely a move to capture her.

Still, whatever the circumstance; She was still operating on her own without support from the Waverider.

And now it was clear she was running out of time.

* * *

Alex had barely mounted her motorcycle and donned her helmet before her phone started ringing from a blocked number.

“This is Alex,” she answered curiously.


	14. Pushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has her own sit down with Kara's Therapist

“Thank you for coming to see me Miss Danvers,” Kelly said gesturing to the couch.

Alex had stepped up to the wall where the Therapist’s credentials were prominently framed and displayed. The Doctorate was ornate and elegantly framed. But it was the military citations and shadow box with decorations that drew her attention. 

Ribbons for marksmanship, and service in Iraq and Afghanistan. And a commission as a Colonel in the US Army.

She wondered for a moment where her own diplomas even were, or if she’d ever even bothered to pick them up...

“ _Doctor_ _Danvers_ ,” Alex corrected out loud. She was still gazing up at the impressive collection of accomplishments.

Kelly raised her eyebrows. “Oh I’m sorry. I meant no offense.”

“None taken, Dr. Olsen,” Alex said, turning. She smiled cordially.

“You are an MD then?” Kelly said sincerely. “I’m just curious.”

Alex continued studying the Therapist’s impressive wall of accomplishments as she spoke. “I have PHD’s in Bioengineering and Medicine,” Alex answered absently. She turned and met the Therapist’s face.

“And I’m a senior member of the FBI.”

Kelly’s expression was her best show of friendly acknowledgement.

Alex stepped up to the Therapist, extending her hand. Kelly took it, realizing at the firm grip this was the beginning of a show of dominance.

“Should I address you as Doctor then?” Alex asked, still holding Kelly’s grip. “Or Colonel?”

Kelly held firm to Alex’s grip but only just under the pressure she was receiving. She smiled in as disarming a manner as she could manage.

“I’m not in active service anymore, so Doctor is fine, or Kelly if you prefer.”

She relaxed her grip slightly.

“And you?” Kelly said.

Alex softened looking into the therapist’s face, which was nothing but friendly and welcoming.

“You’re the Doctor here,” she said, releasing the therapist's hand. She moved to the couch and sat, crossing her legs and placing her clasped hands on her knee.

“Well, you asked to see me, so I’m here. What can I do for you?” Alex said, trying to take lead in the conversation.

“I did,” Kelly said in an upbeat tone. She took her own seat in her high-backed wing chair. “You may not be aware but I have met with your sister, Kara Danvers. And I am permitted to inform you of that,” she added.

Alex raised her eyebrow slightly. “I haven’t seen Kara since yesterday. So no, I wasn’t totally aware. My only implication was your request to see me. And that it concerned Kara.”

“But even if you are seeing her,” Alex added. “I’m not sure what that would do with me.”

Kelly smiled. “Well as you can imagine, your name came up quite frequently in our conversation. You are a significant person to Kara.”

Alex raised her eyebrow quizzically at the remark. “Kara and I are significant to each other, Doctor Olsen. And we have been for a long time.”

“Of course,” Kelly said. “It is very obviously mutual.”

Alex kept her hands clasped in her lap and decided to wait for the Therapists next question.

“Kara was referred to me by a mutual acquaintance, Miss Cat Grant.” Kelly said, trying to kick things off.

Alex looked confused. “Dr. Olsen, Kara hasn’t been at work in several weeks. She’s been sick.”

Kelly smiled amusingly. “Miss Grant met with her last night after she had participated in a bank robbery incident.”

Alex wasn’t sure what was going on at this point, “Participated? Dr. Olsen, Kara wasn’t—“

“I’m sorry,” Kelly cut in. " _As Supergirl_. Kara participated as Supergirl, and then went to see Miss Grant following the incident.”

“I see….” Alex said with trepidation. “And Kara _told_ you this,” she said.

Kelly continued smiling. “My understanding is that she had a meaningful conversation with Miss Grant, whereby she was referred to me. Kara arranged the appointment herself. Although your Government office did try to interject somewhat,” Kelly added.

Alex was at a loss for words. She really wasn’t quite sure of the state of Kara’s hidden identity at the moment with any of them. Kelly could read it all over her face.

“Just so we’re clear Miss Danvers; Kara’s identity as Supergirl is known to both myself and Miss Grant.”

Alex swallowed but kept focused on the woman in front of her.

Kelly continued. “I’m telling you this up front so we can be clear about the realities of Kara and the complexities of her life.”

“I see…” Alex answered matter of factly. She still wasn’t at all sure what was going on or why she was here.

“I also want to assure you, that I am not trying to make you uncomfortable in any way. But I believe we will save time if we are able to move quickly past the more clandestine aspects of your lives and be candid with each other.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. She still wasn’t at all sure about any of this.

“To what end Dr. Olsen?” She decided to ask.

Kelly smiled. “To help Kara with the fallout from her recent traumatic experience.”

Alex crossed her arms defensively. “Kara is perhaps the strongest and bravest woman on earth Dr. Olsen. What makes you think she’s suffering from PTSD?” Alex said almost challengingly.

Kelly paused, trying to find the right words. She looked challengingly at Alex as if stating the obvious. “Surely you have recognized the signs Miss Danvers. The sleeping problems? The mood swings? Depression?”

Alex shrugged. “She’s been a little down, and it took her some time to recover. She suffered a major injury, Dr. Olsen. It wasn’t something trivial.”

“I saw the news coverage, Miss Danvers. And I have spoken with Kara about it a little. So I can tell that---”

“But that doesn’t mean Kara has lost her nerve or has some psychological problem,” Alex interrupted. “She just needs to get back out into the field and get her confidence up with some wins,” Alex said.

“Kelly nodded slowly as if agreeing. “Like the bank robbery,” she said in feigned agreement. Her eyes were neutral looking for Alex to weigh in on the incident.

Alex tilted her head. “What about it?”

“Miss Danvers, please understand that I know full well the role you play in Kara’s life. How you’ve been her guide to humanity, developed and encouraged her. And how you have steadfastly protected her,” Kelly said.

“Kara leaves no doubt who she looks to for guidance and inspiration.”

Alex looked confused. “Well yes, Kara and I are all of those things to each other—“

Kelly interrupted before Alex could continue. “But Kara is not a _soldier_. Not in the strictest sense. Not even as Supergirl.” Kelly let that statement sink in. “Is she, Miss Danvers.”

Alex paused looking down. “No.” She looked up. “And I don’t want her to be.” 

Kelly couldn’t help an incredulous smirk. “But you were okay with having her work in your black ops organization? For all intents and purposes a _Special_ _Operator?”_ Kelly said. Her tone was challenging. She was pushing Alex to something.

“My _Black Ops_ _Organization_?” Alex said as if insulted. “Dr. Olsen, I realize some people don’t have respect for what the FBI does, but—“

“The DEO Miss Danvers,” Kelly interjected. “And yes, I know what it stands for.”

Alex glared back at her. Kelly’s expression was unwavering. This was not a bluff, or any kind of probing line of questioning to confirm suspicions or rumors. This woman was very sure of her insinuations. Whoever she was or whatever this was about, it was clear this Therapist knew who she was talking to.

“Alright then. What was I supposed to do?” Alex answered defensively. She’d never really hashed out the circumstance around Supergirls emergence with Kara. They had brought it up briefly from time to time, but it was at this point, a subject best left alone.

“I tried all right? I tried for years to steer her away from exposing herself and putting herself in harm's way.” Alex looked seriously at the Therapist. “Kara is an optimist. She wants to see the best out of everyone and she believes everyone can be saved. But if we are going to speak frankly Dr. Olsen; you and I, as _soldiers_ , both know that isn’t always the case. There are bad, irredeemable monsters in the world, human and alien alike, and sometimes there is no reasoning with them. I have a hard time with Kara in those circumstances.”

Kelly nodded in acknowledgement. “Kara is every bit the optimist you make her out to be Miss Danvers. I think I read somewhere that her alien crest stands for _hope_.”

“Among other things,” Alex said. “Her particular variation also has another connotation.”

Kelly raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

“Stronger together,” Alex said.

Kelly nodded slowly. She was absorbing the intensity that Alex was projecting across to her with that statement. That Alex Danvers was undoubtedly Kara’s partner in life was without question, but it was also becoming clear that Alex returned that feeling exponentially.

“Let me ask you something Miss Danvers.” The therapist sat back in her chair and crossed her legs, clasping her hands in her lap.

“Why did you think it was a good idea to tell Kara it was you who wanted the breast plate installed into her suit?”

Alex looked surprised and puzzled. “Well.. Kara was concerned about it. She got upset when I told her there was a breastplate installed.”

The therapist didn’t pause in her response. “Yes, but why did you tell her it was _your_ idea?”

Alex paused sensing a trap of some kind, wondering where this line of questioning was going.

“I… didn’t want her to blame Winn. I felt that if it had come from me it would be okay.”

“Really?” Olsen asked. “ _You_? The most important person in the world to Kara? The one person she gathers her confidence from above all others?”

Alex narrowed her eyes defensively. “Now wait a minute. Kara knows I have complete confidence in her. I told her she’s—“

“Invincible?” Olsen interjected.

Alex paused. “Yes, frankly. Literally in fact” Alex said flustered.

Olsen still had a pleasant expression, but added a little more seriousness to her eyes. “Your actions speak louder than your words Miss Danvers. Don’t think for a minute, Kara doesn’t pick up on everything you say, or how you act, or even how you feel.”

“Tell me about it..” Alex returned with mild irritation. “She can read my heart rate from miles away.”

Olsen smiled amusingly. “I know. She told me she listens for you when you are apart.” Olsen cocked an eyebrow and leaning forward whispered, _“She’s probably doing it right now.”_

Alex’s expression turned to surprised panic as her eyes widened.

Don’t worry, Olsen said with a slight chuckle leaning back again. “I told Kara I wanted to speak with you. I also told her you were likely to become agitated during the session because from what I know of you, you do not like to be examined.”

Alex exhaled in slight relief. “She might actually buy that.”

Alex shook her head trying to put together her thoughts. But before she could continue Kelly threw out a question that made her heart skip.

“Did you realize you had married Kara when you became her bondmate?”

“Excuse me?” Alex exclaimed as if she’d just been outright attacked. But Kelly’s expression was curious while at the same time very serious.

Alex narrowed her eyes. “That is a _very_ personal question Dr Olsen.”

“Yes it is. Did you know?” She said without hesitation.

“No!” Alex said, almost angrily, but shook her head immediately. She squeezed her eyes tightly. “Maybe...” She paused just for a second, and opened her eyes looking into the face of the therapist.

Kelly sat stoically, awaiting the next response.

“Look, Dr. Olsen, you have to understand. When Kara came to me.. my family, she was an orphan; she was scared; she was alone.”

Kelly crossed her legs and clasped her hands in her lap satisfied that Alex seemed to be communicating with her. She nodded at Alex’s words inviting her to continue.

“But I resented her at the time,” Alex continued. “I didn’t ask for or even want an instant little sister; sharing my house, or my room, or even my parents,” Alex said with an indignant tone.

Kelly continued listening, her expression curious but inviting.

“But then there was something that happened,” Alex said; her tone softening. “I mean, my parents made Kara my responsibility. And I was headstrong and tomboy enough to take it on because why not, right? At least I got to be the older sister in charge of the interloper.” Alex paused slightly.

Alex looked up trying to express a desire for the therapist to understand her. “But this amazing thing happened. I was given this incredible gift of this… this girl, this sister. And I had no idea that she would become the most important thing in my life. And yes I was told I needed to protect her because she was special and if anyone found out who she was, she could be in danger. So I took that very seriously, ya know? I didn’t want anything to happen to her.”

“Did I know I had married her?” Alex said incredulously. “I was barely 14 years old. I knew she was an alien girl with weird customs. But I _saw_ her. I could _see into her_ , and I think I knew what was happening from the look in her eyes.” Alex wiped her eyes briefly.

“But we grew up. And we went to college and started regular… normal adulthood.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be _this_ ,” Alex gestured with her hands along her sides, as if she was wearing her tactical gear and weapons. “I never wanted to be a soldier or a warrior. I was supposed to be a doctor; a scientist, like my parents.”

Alex looked pleadingly to Kelly imploring her to understand what Alex was trying to explain. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was never afraid to fight. Listen, when boys messed with Kara, I didn’t hesitate to jump in and give them the fat lip they had coming--”

“You didn’t think Kara could defend herself?” Kelly interjected.

Alex paused. “Well sure. Kara could throw any one of them into orbit if she wanted to but I was supposed to be--”

“Protecting her I know,” Kelly finished. “And I know you were tasked with helping to keep her secret. But don’t you think you jumped into those situations for more primal or instinctual reasons?”

Alex considered Kelly’s question carefully. 

“Kara wasn’t the mighty champion she appears like now Miss Olsen. She was only 13 when she started going to school with me. And she was very shy and timid. And our ways of educational instruction confused her. She came across as strange and awkward. But really she was just so much more advanced than the rest of us. It was like a masters student in a classroom of kindergartners. But all Kara wanted to do was fit in.”

“She was bullied a lot then?” Kelly asked.

“Well, not any more so than any other new kid at school that is awkward. You know how kids can be,” Alex said.

“Certainly,” the Therapist agreed. “But Kara doesn’t strike me like the type that backs down to anyone, or anything.”

“And believe me she isn’t,” Alex said. “Oh she was a little shy and apprehensive at first. I think she was surprised at how mean some kids can be. But yeah, she started standing up for herself. This one time she marched into the boys locker room and pinned Jake Howell to his locker right in front of the rest of the football team.”

“Kara mentioned she had the occasional slip-up,” Kelly said amusingly. “But also that you were always there to run interference or cover for her.”

Kelly paused before deciding to proceed. “I wonder though...” She looked seriously into Alex’s face.

“Did you ever stop to think that you’ve created a dependency with Kara from your overprotectiveness?”

Alex looked alarmed. “We are dependent on each other Dr. Olsen. We are bonded.”

Kelly pursed her lips cocking her head slightly in a skeptical way. She needed to push harder if she was going to get Alex to open up.

“ _She’s the bravest, and most powerful woman in the world_ ; those are your words by the way. And yet you make it your life’s work, your obsession really, to protect her. I’m going to go so far as to say to a fault Miss Danvers. Just why is it that you—“

_“Because she’s not invincible alright?! She’s not!”_ Alex yelled.

Kelly paused, trying to keep her expression as neutral as possible.

“She’s stubborn and overconfident,” Alex continued angrily. “And she’s still undisciplined.” She shook her head slightly in frustration, which only emphasized her delivery. 

“She can be incredibly reckless. She thinks she can punch her way out of anything and it scares me alright?! Is that what you want me to say?! Kara is not invulnerable. She can be killed!”

Alex buried her face in her hands; the frustration and fear erupting into them. Dr. Olsen sat patiently. She was finally getting Alex to the root of the problem. But she still wasn’t sure Alex was ready to face it yet.

Alex took a few deep breaths regaining her composure. She looked up with a stern resolve, even though her eyes were red and swollen.

“It is very important that Kara not hear that from me.”

“That you’re afraid for her safety? That you worry about her?” Kelly asked softly.

“That I think she can be killed,” Alex answered, looking seriously into Kelly’s face.

“But why?” Kelly asked. She leaned forward resting her hands on her knees trying to create a more intimate distance.

“Does Kara need to believe she is invulnerable from you to be effective as a soldier? As a hero?”

Alex looked up glaring at the Therapist incredulously. “How is Kara supposed to go out and do all of those incredible things, facing all of those monsters without believing that nothing can hurt her?”

Kelly sat back in her chair. She lowered her own voice so that Alex would be forced to concentrate on it.

“How does anyone do jobs like that? How do _you_ do it?”

“That’s different,” Alex answered dismissively. “I don’t _leap_ tall buildings or streak across the sky chasing after things that can wipe out an army.”

“Don’t you though?” Kelly asked sincerely. And Alex’s own expression turned to surprise. Kelly smiled at the reaction and let it linger in the air a few moments longer.

“Just who is it that you think Kara draws her inspiration from? Her cousin?”

Alex paused; confusion emanating from her. “I don’t... I _can’t_ do the kinds of things that Kara can do.”

“I see,” Kelly said flatly. She crossed her own arms defensively.

“So you don’t jump into firefights with alien beings with little more than conventional weapons, or drop out of helicopters to rescue Supergirl when she is laying a pit of rubble; _which_ I’ve seen on television by the way.”

Alex stared into Kelly’s face at a loss for words.

Kelly continued but softened her tone again. “Kara doesn’t tell you you can’t do these things. She’s seen it. And she marvels at it.

She’s still trying to live up to you. It’s no mystery to me why Supergirl fell in love with you Miss Danvers. You are her hero in every way. You are the smartest person in the room, and the bravest. And if I don’t mind saying so, the most beautiful.”

Alex’s surprised expression was compounded with the deep blush that was forming on her cheeks. She was only mildly aware of her heart pounding uncontrollably.

Alex cleared her throat.

“What is the point to all of this, Dr. Olsen.”

“Alex,” Olsen said, leaning forward, and using her first name intentionally. “Kara needs more than just words from you. Much of her strength comes from the example you have set for her. She doesn’t need to believe she’s invulnerable. None of us need that, not even the star quarterback or the heavyweight boxer. What they need is someone they trust, to believe in them, to have confidence in them.”

Alex’s confused expression was disappointing to Kelly as she tried to get her to understand the issue.

“Kara looks at you right now and all she sees is fear. She thinks she failed you. She thinks you don’t believe in her anymore.”


	15. Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex visits a bar, and reflects on her session with the Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, I hope you are all safe and secure in this challenging time of a modern world wide pandemic. We're deep into it, and no clear idea of when it will end or what the world will look like afterward. I'm trying to stay optimistic. Sometimes the greatest societal changes emerge from times like this, where the greatest struggles force them. It's easier to ignore the plight of others, access to healthcare, and the corruption of government, when our own paychecks are reliably coming in and we have what we personally need. Maybe this will be the turning point.  
> But being stuck in the house and practically captive is a new experience. I suspect many are reading or catching up on chores. I've done both. I've caught up on a number of neglected household projects, that only the occasional free weekend (and mood) has allowed progress on. But I also sat down and wrote out a new chapter.  
> I hope you all like it.

Alex sat at the bar reflecting on all the Therapist had imparted to her.

_You have an awesome responsibility Alex Danvers. Much of which you already know, because you took it on for yourself. You took possession of Kara, and she gave you her heart._

_But she also belongs to the world. And you know more than anyone that the world needs her. So you need to find a way to overcome your fear and give Kara your strength again._

The words kept repeating themselves inside her head.

_Awesome_

_Responsibility_

Alex swirled the glass looking down into the contents. She hadn’t taken a drink of it yet. She just watched it, circling within. Slowing as she held the glass motionless. The oakey aroma rising out of it and teasing at her senses.

She concentrated on the memory, recalling her earlier conversation with Kara at the DEO. The look on Kara’s face when she learned of the breastplate. She realized now it was a look of horror. Kara’s eyes were wide with panic, and all Alex could think of doing at the time was to calm her and deflect it. To take on the blame and the focus.

_To take responsibility._

_“Winn put the plate in because I asked him to. He did it for me.”_ Alex recalled.

_“This is for me. It makes me feel better, that’s all. Will you wear it for me?”_

And just like that, she had managed to take away the confidence Kara needed from her. 

She clenched her teeth and exhaled placing the glass back down on the surface of the bar. The liquid within rippled from the impact but quickly settled to its flat and rich dark color.

The bartender stood behind the bar studying his patron, wiping the glass in his hand with a clean white rag. The woman in front of him looked like she was more than distraught. She looked like she was wallowing.

She’d ordered three fingers of _Johnny Walker Black_ over a half hour ago, and as near as he could tell, hadn’t done anything with it yet, except stare at it.

She had just raised it briefly and looked as though she might actually take her first drink. But just as suddenly she placed it back onto the bar. She was looking downward, but he’d just managed to catch the grimace on her face and the hitch in her breath. She raised the knuckles of her fist to her eyes wiping them roughly.

“You look like you’ve had a rough day,” he said. The woman looked up and glared at him. And it occurred to him that this was no ordinary woman. He was genuinely intimidated by the look of scorn she was projecting. All 6 foot 2 and 210lbs of him.

She turned to the side and closed her eyes briefly taking in a slow and deep breath.

“Are you alright? Can I call someone for you?” He offered. The woman didn’t answer. She gave him a brief look locking eyes, but returned her attention back into the glass in front of her.

She took hold of it again and rotated it, watching as the amber liquid swirled along the walls of the glass. The dark vapors emanated from the vessel and rose to her nostrils. She felt a flush of heat across her cheeks and up onto her forehead. Her palate recognized the strong intoxicating aroma invading her senses pulling at her desire to partake of the elixir in front of her.

She stopped her rotating motion and continued staring as the swirling liquid slowed and settled again into a flat calm.

“Something happen?” The bartender probed again. The woman looked up furrowing her brows as if he was offending her with his very presence. But he was used to dealing with distraught customers. Sometimes they just needed to vent. To unload what was on their mind. People were like a pressure keg, and bartenders were a release valve.

The woman looked back downward, deciding once again that she wasn’t about to engage in this conversation.

“You know,” the bartender offered as pleasantly as he could manage. “Sometimes it helps to talk about it. Sometimes it helps—“ the woman looked up again glaring directly at him.

He swallowed and paused briefly. “Helps… to talk about it to someone you don’t know,” he finished quietly. He shrugged slightly while she was still looking directly at him. “Might give you a different perspective.” He added innocently. But he backed up a step and put the glass down reaching for another to dry.

“How do you give something back that you took away,” the woman spoke aloud. 

And the simple fact that she had spoken, helped to break the tension the bartender was feeling. She indeed looked tough as nails. But hearing her voice again reminded him of when she had first ordered her drink. Her tone was gentle, and feminine. It complimented how beautiful she truly was. 

He stepped back up in front of her and poured a glass of water placing it near her reach.

“It might help me to know what it is that you took?” He said.

The woman’s expression turned incredulous, as if he clearly was in no position to help her at all.

“Okay..” he said, deciding this might be more complicated than a pair of earrings, or maybe a romantic indiscretion.

“Do they know it’s missing yet? That you took it?” He said. 

The woman still looked at him as though he had the IQ of a pantry moth.

“Look, I was only going to suggest that it might not be too late to—“

“It’s too late.” The woman interrupted looking back down. 

“The damage is done.”

The bartender worked the wet glass with his towel slowly, thinking on the tone and the finality of her answer.

“Sounds serious,” he said. “But unless someone died, I can’t imagine it being irreversible,” he added. The woman looked up again but this time her expression was more hopeful, and less irritated.

“My name is Darren,” he said, trying to establish a rapport. 

“Alex,” the woman said, turning her attention back down into her glass. She put her fingers around the base of it and rotated it slightly again, the liquid swirling and releasing its inviting vapors upward toward her.

“You don’t seem to be the scotch drinking type,” he said.

Alex exhaled in an incredulous chuckle and looked up amused.

The bartender continued drying the glass in his hand but dipped his chin gesturing toward her drink. “I can get you something else if that’s not to your liking. I make a pretty decent cosmo.”

Alex paused briefly. “Sure why not,” she sighed, pushing the scotch off to her left. She reached forward for the glass of water and raised it to her lips taking a drink.

The bartender reached behind him and produced a clear martini glass placing it on the bar in front of him. And without breaking stride, grabbed a metal boston shaker and scooped a healthy portion of packed ice into it.

Alex watched with fascination as Darren performed his craft. His movements were fluid and effortless as he grabbed a quality vodka from the top shelf, pouring it’s contents into the shaker while raising it upwards, as if the elevation of the bottle, and the arc of the pour itself was the measurement.

After replacing the vodka, he produced a pre-mixed container from a small refrigerator behind him, and using a small jigger, carefully but quickly threw in the necessary portions for the drink. He was moving so fast and meticulously, Alex wasn’t able to keep track of the proper proportions.

He capped the end of the vessel with a small metal end cup and started shaking the contents vigorously. The motion carried the shaker outward and up over his head in what was clearly a practiced technique. The frost along the outer surface of the shaker formed quickly and gave off a snowy white sheen.

Darren slapped the container hard with his free hand, while smiling back at his patron breaking the seal. He replaced the end cup with a fitted wire strainer, and poured the blended contents of the shaker into the clear martini glass with the same upward rising motion. It was like a tall flowing waterfall of red. And as the last of the shaker’s contents fell and ended it’s downward trajectory, the glass itself was perfectly filled to it’s rim. He finished it with a twist of lemon.

Darren placed an ornate cocktail napkin in front of her and set the glass on it, sliding it slightly forward.

Alex grinned at the display, her bartender gesturing with his palms up as if he’d just performed a magic trick.

She took hold of the fragile glass stem lifting it slightly from the counter top, resting the base in the palm of her other hand.

“Kara loves these,” Alex said softly, staring down into the ruby liquid. She raised the cocktail to her lips and closed her eyes taking a small sip. It was ice cold and refreshing, bright and flavorful. No wonder it made Kara smile.

Alex savored the taste with her eyes closed. Kara’s bright smile and playful laugh was clear in her mind's eye. And it filled her with warmth.

The bartenders eyes beamed. He’d prided himself on sizing up his patrons and discerning their flavor palate. This woman was finely dressed in a tailored pantsuit; sophisticated. A lawyer or power broker of some kind. That scotch order was probably all about quickly dulling the pain, but she’d obviously never had one in her life.

Alex opened her eyes and returned the drink to the bar. She looked to the bartender. “Thank you,” she said almost apologetically.

Darren nodded acknowledging the compliment.

“So, I take it this “ _Kara_ ” might have something to do with the daggers shooting out of those beautiful green eyes of yours.”

Alex cocked her lips and gave him the mildest sideways glance she could manage.

“Don’t tell me,” he started playfully. “Let me guess.” He looked upward to the glowing polynesian orbs suspended from the ceiling. “Political opponent? Opposing counsel? Office rival for the hot big account?”

Alex cocked her head and smirked, but decided to allow him to continue.

“You steal some evidence, or wait.. Cover something up?”

Alex gave a very slight shift of her head indicating he had missed the mark.

The bartender smiled at the challenge.

“Okay, maybe closer to home.” He paused thinking while looking her up and down. Alex stared straight at him, holding her measured expression.

“Best friend from college? No that’s not it.” He paused again, thinking about the way she looked into the cocktail glass, and the glow on her face while she sampled the cosmopolitan; almost as if she had connected directly with the person she had mentioned.

“A partner maybe,” the bartender said.

Alex smirked slightly taking a small sip from the martini glass.

“That’s it,” he said. “I had you pegged for a corporate type because of your suit, but that isn’t it at all. You’re… law enforcement.”

Alex’s smirk changed to a smile as she kept her eyes focused into the chilled red liquid of her cocktail.

“So that’s it,” the bartender decided. “You did something. Made some decision in a scrape? A situation? Maybe your partner didn’t come out of it so well?”

Alex looked up, locking eyes with him cocking her head slightly. She shrugged with her lips, not quite confirming or denying his insinuations. She looked back downward, circling the rim of the martini glass with her finger. A sadness overtook her face.

The bartender realized this wasn’t a platonic acquaintance at all. Someone much closer.

“Sister,” he said; nodding confidently; finally realizing it was in front of him all along.

“Lover,” Alex answered, narrowing her eyes slightly, but not breaking her stare with the bartender. She was curious about his reaction.

The bartender pursed his lips nodding slowly acknowledging the revelation. “That’s a tough one,” he said. “Whenever we disappoint or take something from the people closest to us, it’s a pretty hard problem to overcome.”

Alex nodded.

“She’s pretty sore then? Won’t talk to you” he said.

“I’m not sure she even knows what I did, or how it’s affected her.” Alex answered.

“What did you do?” The bartender asked sincerely.

Alex sighed. “She has a dangerous job. She takes a lot of risks,” Alex relented. “I might have, shaken her confidence, and affected her ability to do her job.”

“Well,” the bartender began thoughtfully. “In my experience, the kind of people that go out of their way to do dangerous things in life aren’t that easily shaken. I mean, I have buddies that did tours in Iraq with me that still go skydiving every weekend. And they’ve seen and done some pretty serious sh—- stuff, you know what I’m saying?”

Alex appreciated the effort Darren was showing her. But she was beginning to wonder why she even came here at all.

“Take Supergirl for instance,” the bartender said. And Alex’s expression turned to unanticipated shock.

“I mean, there’s a woman that puts herself out there and takes a beating, you know what I mean? Have you ever just paused the news reels and studied the look on her face when she’s going at it with one of those monsters?”

Alex had set her glass down and was listening intently now.

The bartender gave a long whistle, picking up another glass to polish it. 

“Tough as nails that one. You can just see the fearlessness. The determination. I don’t think there’s anything in creation that can intimidate that girl.”

Alex blinked downward into her glass and into the crimson red liquid. She squeezed her lips together and swallowed trying to force the anger at herself to keep from rising to the surface. But the bartender couldn’t help but see some of it overtake her face.

“Except maybe _you_.” He said playfully. 

Alex looked up in surprise.

Darren smiled at the reaction. 

“You know, I met her once,” he boasted. Then shrugging his shoulders continued. “Well, not directly. But she was in my bar. It’s true. Look there.”

Alex looked to the wooden post just to the right of her, protruding from the bar to the ceiling. There, in very fine detail, was the burned in signate of Kara’s house crest. It wasn’t crude, nor chiseled by some pocket knife. It was crisp and clean. Perfect.

Only Kara’s eyes could have done it.

He leaned forward. “Now I can tell you, that no ordinary person put that there. It wasn’t there at the beginning of the shift, but it was there at the end. And I was back here working the whole time.”

He stood up straight again, stacking the polished glass with the others. One of the servers from the sitting area placed an order and he signaled acknowledgment. He grabbed a sculpted vessel from one of the shelves and began pulling bottles together to mix into it.

“Let me ask you something,” Alex said hypothetically. The bartender made eye contact and kept her attention while mixing and pouring.

“Let’s say Supergirl; because you _know_ her so well,” she added with condescension, “had lost her confidence, maybe even her drive to be her best self.”

“Let’s say, you were the reason she had lost that confidence. How would you fix it?”

The bartender looked to the side thoughtfully, slapping the side of the large shaker and straining its contents into the bowl. “Well, firstly, I can’t imagine Supergirl herself losing that part of herself. I mean let’s face it. She personifies it. It’d be like Elton John losing his feathers, or Freddie Mercury losing his magnetism on stage. Or better yet, Austin Powers losing his mojo,” he added with a wink. And Alex couldn’t help an involuntary chuckle escape.

“I think bravery and confidence and all that stuff is something that is inherently a part of Supergirl. At least from what I’ve seen of her,” the bartender answered.

Alex’s expression turned less optimistic to his answer. She took another small sip from her cocktail.

“But since we aren’t talking about Supergirl,” he continued, “I think it’s reasonable to believe that everyone has had a time when they’ve been knocked down a notch or two. Had their confidence shaken.”

Alex looked up intrigued.

“Maybe even because of something someone close to them said or did,” he offered.

Alex shifted her attention to the post, and to the diamond shaped moniker burned into it. The bartender’s eyes narrowed as he observed his patron. She lingered on the post for several seconds, and he wondered as she seemed totally focused on the symbol itself.

“So I don’t think she’s lost anything,” he added. And Alex turned her attention back to him.

“Because I doubt it’s something you can truly take away. But maybe all she needs is something that gives her a boost. A reason to think she isn’t a failure at all.”

Alex studied the bartender trying to determine just how insightful this might be, or if it was all just crap.

“Or at least that she doesn’t think you don’t believe in her anymore,” he said.

Alex swallowed and looked back toward the post.

“I have a feeling, this isn’t all just about her though,” the bartender added. “You look like you’re haunted by something. Chasing something.”

“Someone tried to hurt her. My Kara,” Alex answered, still focused on the symbol.

“I take it that means in the physical sense,” Darren said. His expression was serious.

“Yes,” Alex said, returning her attention to him. “She almost died.” Alex shook her head, like she was resolute but struggling with the thought.

“I can’t let it happen again. I need to…” but she stopped just short looking up.

The bartender gave her a soft expression. “Are you sure it’s what your Kara would want you to do?”

“I doubt it,” Alex exhaled.

“Then I think you know what your path is,” he said confidently.

Alex smiled appreciatively. The bartender meant well, but he really had no idea what she and Kara faced to keep the world safe everyday. Some things couldn’t be left alone.

And some villains needed to be put down.

She rose from her chair grabbing her jacket draped over the back, sliding her arms through.

“What do I owe you,” Alex asked preparing to leave.

“Nothing at all,” the bartender returned. “This one’s on the house. Besides, you never even touched that scotch. A shame really,” he added. “You should try it sometime.”

Alex smirked. Reaching for the scotch, long neglected to the left side. She dipped her nose just over the top and closed her eyes briefly, reacquainting herself with the inviting aroma.

And then, upended it into her mouth, draining all three fingers of it in one shot.

The bartender tilted his head in slight surprise.

“You’re right,” Alex said.

“It’s pretty good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Alex. She's a complex character. She's fearless and tough. She takes on anyone or anything. And she never hesitates to jump in front of Kara and drag her to safety. Kara is her Achilles heal. She's also her reason for being.


	16. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara Lance has been relegated to the dirty confines of an abandoned warehouse (cliche I know).  
> Kara is a little nervous about what the Therapist is discussing with Alex

Sara Lance slammed her fist onto the metal work bench in frustration. She looked upward into the 60ft ceilings of the old factory as the metallic thud echoed upward, disturbing a number of feathered creatures high above.

She watched as several fluttered in panic from their perches. And it occurred to her that she wasn’t sure if she was more frustrated with her lack of progress, or in Kara Danvers’ two associates, who had effectively divorced her from the comfort of her 5-star hotel suite.

She returned her attention to the corkboard over the workbench in front of her. Various clippings, site pictures from locations across the city, and post-its were attached and strung together like a bright red spider's web.

She sighed, focusing discerningly on the map. For three weeks she’d been chasing Corben all over the city, in most cases missing him by only minutes. At this point she was starting to become recognizable herself to the various haunts he kept returning to.

What she just couldn’t figure out was why he kept moving about the city without moving on. He seemed to be intentionally staying local, while constantly in motion.

And she was sure it was him. She’d not only confirmed it with eye witnesses, but she’d also managed to hack into a few security systems. She saw with her own eyes it was him.

Sara exhaled hard, blowing a thick strand of her blond hair out from in front of her face. She studied the link analysis in front of her.

The strings laced across the map of the city were seemingly random. But after three weeks she was beginning to see the habit patterns they were suggesting.

He’d been spotted two and even three times at specific bars. But always divey ones. On the outlying parts of the city. Mostly along the docks.

But the entire grid seemed to form a particular perimeter. It was as if he might be circling it, waiting and watching what was within it.

Her view of the map turned blurry and Sara realized she had been concentrating on it for too long.

She backed away from the desk and turned to the vertical iron posts behind her. She grabbed the solid steel bar leaning against one of them and gripping it firmly, began to twirl and shift it from side to side.

It was very heavy, and she could feel her forearms burning as she rotated and shifted it fluidly from one hand to the other. While still in motion she approached the iron posts, roughly 5ft apart from each other and running upward to the highest points of the ceiling. Every foot along both posts an angled hook-like protrusion stuck outward.

The spinning metal rod stopped suddenly slapping horizontally in both of her hands.

She stepped up to the salmon ladder and lept high, slamming the metal rod hard against the posts, connecting solidly in place with the angled hooks.

She took a deep breath holding her body rigidly straight while swaying her legs in a pendulum motion.

She pulled herself upward, every muscle in her arms and shoulders screaming under the effort. And then with an explosive jerk, she thrust the rod out from the metal hooks connecting a foot above them with a matching pair.

The sharp metallic clang thundered throughout the factory as the rod connected firmly in place.

She took a deep breath and pulled herself upward. And again just as her chin reached the height of the bar she exploded upward, thrusting the rod to another level of hooks above, ending in another loud metallic clang.

Now she built a rhythm, swinging, pulling, arching, and thrusting upward. With each metallic reverberation she continued to ascend until she had reached the very top pair of hooks.

Her body was on fire. Sweat pouring down her back. Every muscle was taxed and threatening to fail her.

But she didn’t pause. Without even looking she let go with one hand reaching for the rope she knew was suspended and waiting just within her grasp.

She gripped it firmly and released one end of the bar from a hook, sliding like a pendulum as the rope took her out and away from the iron ladder.

The metal bar scraped across the hooks sending sparks flying. And as it separated from the ladder, Sara held one end of the bar firmly, pivoting it in a slow arc to add weight, and fuel her swinging momentum.

The rope carried her to an array of old scaffolding. She released her grip on the rope, her body now high in the air and momentarily in free fall. She tossed the heavy rod up and forward of her, trying to time it’s trajectory and ascent.

Both of her hands met with the top most sidebar of the scaffolding. There was just enough room for her to swing her legs up and over it, freeing her hands but leaving her hanging upside down.

The rod arc’d and fell, but she caught it with a free hand just before it was out of reach. She cursed herself inwardly. A half second later and it would have been too far out of reach.

She gripped the rod with both hands and balanced it carefully. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she prepared her next set of movements.

She tossed the bar upward, trying to keep it’s flight as horizontal as possible. She outstretched her arms to the scaffolding bar below her and released her legs allowing herself to fall.

Her hands connected with the bar below her, and she swung quickly, threading her legs up and over it to replace her hands again, just in time to catch the rapidly descending metal bar she had tossed upward.

And so the pattern continued, with each drop of the scaffolding. Toss, fall, grab, swing and catch, until she had reached the solid foundation of the cement floor.

She landed in a crouch and slammed one end of the rod to the floor, as a triumphant announcement to the end of the course.

Sara leaned the bar against the _salmon ladder_ and grabbed a terry cloth towel she had draped near the workbench. The Four Seasons embossing was noticeably out of place for the industrial atmosphere of the factory. But at least it reminded her of where she would otherwise have been spending the night.

She wiped her forehead looking back up at the wall board, taking a fresh look at the crisscrossing array of red lines. The pattern suggested where he might visit next. 

She shifted her attention to some metal piping a few meters away, where an old hose was still connected to a water spout. She sighed, placing the towel on the back of a chair, and began to strip. 

She wasn’t looking forward to the cold shower she was about to take from the end of that hose. 

* * *

Kara paced back and forth in Alex’s apartment. She looked to the clock in the kitchen. The minutes hadn’t shifted in the seconds she had last given it her attention.

She paused in front of the kitchen island placing both hands on it's cold surface, but was careful not to apply too much pressure. The last thing she wanted to do was destroy Alex’s apartment while she was gone, even though she was completely the source of Kara’s anxiety.

She looked again, to the clock. Only one minute had advanced, and she blew out a hard sigh in frustration.

The Therapist had told her she would be reaching out to speak with Alex; and at the time that seemed perfectly fine. But then Kara had a chance to reflect on all they had talked about.

By the time she’d gotten back to the apartment her mind had already raced in all the ways Alex might react in that conversation.

She found herself hurrying to get back to the apartment; hoping Alex would be back from wherever she had gone this morning.

But the apartment was empty. Alex wasn’t there, but it looked as though she had returned briefly.

There was evidence she had changed clothes. And the only reason she might have done that was if she was meeting the Therapist.

So, Kara had sat; closing her eyes and concentrating. Reaching out, connecting with Alex’s heart, which at first was fairly calm and steady. But then it quickened, becoming very clearly agitated.

Her own heart beat accelerated realizing Alex must be in the middle of that conversation. She maintained the connection. Alex’s heart rate was thundering in her head and seemed to be increasing in tempo and volume.

Kara had risen from the couch and began to pace. Listening and waiting. Hoping that Alex’s heart would relax.

But it didn’t. It was thundering in her ear. As if Alex was standing right in front of her. Just like that time she had rescued her from crashing in that plane. Which had to mean she was upset. She’d never heard Alex’s heart so loud and so urgent before. And if she didn’t already know what Alex was doing, she’d have already blasted away to get to her side.

Kara’s hands were still resting on the surface of the countertop. She tried to breathe slowly and deliberately, listening as Alex’s heart beat was pounding inside her forehead.

She reached for the glass of water in front of her. But before she could raise it to her lips, Alex’s heart beat skipped in her head, pounding a second later like a bass drum.

The unanticipated escalation startled her, and the water glass shattered in Kara’s hand. 

She gasped in surprise at her own loss of control, just as two white-hot beams of energy shot forth from her eyes.

She clenched her eyelids shut and grimaced, dropping her head and balling her hands into rock hard fists.

She allowed herself to release the connection to her bondmates heart beat. And instead focused on calming herself.

She imagined Alex’s calm voice instructing her..

To breathe.

  
  
  


“ _Kara, you have to get better at not breaking things,”_ her twelve year old self remembered.

“ _I don’t know how,”_ Kara remembered herself sobbing, after having shattered the water glass Eliza had delivered upstairs with their lunches.

“ _It just takes practice,” Alex had said. “Calm down. Here; see this potato chip? It’s really fragile.”_

Alex held the paper thin Lays potato chip in her fingers and turned it back and forth in front of her younger Alien charge. “ _Even I can barely hold this without cracking it. So it’s probably really hard for you.”_

Alex popped the chip in her mouth and continued talking while crunching it between her teeth. Kara looked on wide-eyed while small bits of chips flew out from Alex’s mouth as she spoke. But she didn’t care. Alex was helping her, and it was enough to have stopped her from crying.

“ _Here,”_

Alex had picked out another chip from the bag and held it out for Kara to take from her.

Kara looked at it as if it were a tiny life form, with feelings and dreams of its own. Gingerly she reached out and closed her fingers around it, trying to grasp it. But it disintegrated in Alex’s hand. No solid form remained at all, and Alex wiped the residue of what was left along the side of her jeans.

Tears started to well again as the hopelessness of the exercise was self evident. How was she ever going to be able to function on a planet where everything she touched would shatter to pieces.

But Alex hadn’t even hesitated. She’d already grabbed another chip from the bag. She had fished for the largest and thickest she could find.

 _“I’ll ask Mom to get the ruffled kind from now on. They’re thicker,”_ she said encouragingly. Kara was already slowly extending her hand to try again. But this time Alex took hold and rotated Kara’s hand palm upward, and then carefully rested the potato chip on it.

Kara stared at it. The wafer thin potato chip laid in her palm. And she could barely feel it. It weighed absolutely nothing. And she was sure that it would disintegrate into dust, simply by just looking at it.

Alex was already busy crunching away on her next chip. But she nodded at the younger girl encouragingly. 

_“This time don’t grab it. Just try to lift it and eat it from your hand,”_ Alex instructed.

Kara slowly and carefully lifted her hand trying so very hard to keep it from falling to the floor.

But she wasn’t able to keep her hand level, and the chip tumbled from her palm falling to the floor between them.”

The tears welled again as a Kara realized this was an impossible task. The wetness began to fog and turn to steam as her eyes started glow from the heat building up behind them. Kara clapped her hands in front of her face holding them tightly, lest she unleash the fire building up behind them. She was almost in a panic; her breathing short and sporadic. 

_“Kara,”_ Alex had said while placing her hands on Kara’s crisscrossed legs.

The young girl shook her head defiantly while clenching her eyelids shut. _“Aren’t you afraid of me? I can’t control myself. I can hurt you,”_ Kara sobbed.

Alex lowered her voice and spoke as softly as she could. _“I’m not afraid of you Kara. I know you would never hurt me.”_ Kara’s breath hitched uncontrollably as she fought to regain her composure.

 _“Calm down. It’s okay. Just breathe,”_ the older girl said.

  
  
  


And so she did. Kara carefully drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, regaining her control. Her own heart rate slowing. And the fire that was at the back of her eyes receded.

She waited to open them. Steadying herself in the kitchen island with both her arms. After a few moments with only the sound of her own slow and steady exhales, she carefully opened her eyes.

Twin scorch marks were burned into the countertop just in front of her.

Kara grimaced, shaking her head. “ _Dammit_ ,” she thought inwardly. _“I am not 12 years old. I am in control.”_

She almost decided to reach out again and touch Alex. To see if she had recovered. But she decided against it. She was sure Alex was just being defensive and overly dramatic.

It was obviously not going to do her any good to worry over what was being said or how Alex was reacting. Besides how bad could it possibly be.

She thought on that for a moment while she continued to calm herself down. She needed to talk though. Some kind of reassurance that the world and her place in it was going to be okay.

And she realized with horror that she was long overdue in speaking with Winn.

She pulled out her phone to dial him but then thought better of it. What if he didn’t want to speak to her.

Well that just wasn’t going to be acceptable. 

Kara picked up her purse and keys and made her way to the door.

He wouldn’t refuse her if she was standing in front him. And then everything would be forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is holding up well in the middle of our national shelter-in-place. I've escaped with reading and following a few fanfics myself


End file.
